Thread: LDR Drama

It turns out that.. well..

I've had the password to her email address for a few years. But I'm a trustworthy person and I know how shitty it is to go snooping, so I didn't. A few days ago I couldn't take it anymore, I checked her email to see if she'd read any of the emails I sent her or if she'd sent any emails herself, you know? I wasn't planning on actually reading anything. I saw some really suspicious subject titles.. so I read some.

They were from this chick who was professing her undying love etc for my gf [my gf's bi]. I thought to myself, my gf shut this down really quick.. I go to her sent emails and read those, too. Turns out she didn't. In fact she encouraged her. Flirted back, said things about how she'd rather talk to this chick than to me, how the times she's spent with this chick were some of the happiest of her life, etc. And you know what's weird? I can't get mad at this chick because she in her emails to my gf kept telling my gf to start talking to me more and that she didn't want to ruin our relationship. Whatever..

Anyway, so I shoot off an email to my gf saying I knew about this chick, and then talked to some mutual friends about how she cheated on me and stuff. The very next day, my gf suddenly comes online and is furious. Furious I read her email and furious that I'd think she was cheating [she wasn't?] and furious I spoke about it to other people and 'demonized' her. Her explanation for her absence, though, almost is worse.

Apparently something devastating happened to her a few months ago and instead of reaching out to me for support, she reached out to this chick, because she was trying to 'protect' me. And she says she 'encouraged' this chick because she didn't want to be alone. And I'm thinking.. first of all, you weren't alone, you had me, you just decided to ignore me. Second of all, she had internet access and everything, it's not like it would have been hard or taken any time at all to shoot off a one-line email telling me she was still fucking alive. Third of all, I wrote her letters practically begging her to talk to me and saying how worried/hurt I was trying not to be, and still she thought she was 'protecting' me? She knew exactly how it was affecting me and where my thoughts and feelings were headed, yet she still ignored me and other worried mutual friends.. for TWO months?

Yet I still feel like shit because I know reading her email was a crappy thing to do, etc.. but I feel like she gave me no choice and the way she behaved was so horrible and in itself was a betrayal, even if she didn't technically cheat on me, wasn't it emotional cheating? A betrayal of trust?

Anyway, it's over. We had a really bad fight. I'm in a bad place right now.

at least she's alive and she's talking to you again. That's better than being ignored, any day.
If someone i was in a relationship with disappeared and stopped talking to me, i wouldn't think twice about checking their email for some proof of life. But my boundaries are not like everyone else.

So, are you going to sort it out with her, or are you going to end it?

i think that is how she is justifying her behaviour. Its probably how she'll avoid feeling bad about the whole thing. It sounds like you'll be better off without her