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Anon · 01-29-2010, 08:02 PM

i was sexually abused as a little kid. it probably happened more then 10 yrs ago and i've never thought or talked about it til now that i'm older, i mean it bothered me at the time but i forced myself to forget about it and pretended it never happened, so i thought i was over it, dealt with it whatever but now all of a sudden its really bugging me. i'm the type of person that doesn't let things get to me, but this is and its really pissing me off. i seem to use it as an excuse to not get close to boys, or get intimate or have a boyfriend, everytime a guy shows interest i run away i don't know why and i feel bad that i'm using this part of my childhood as an excuse to run. is this normal? i'm not even sure what i'm afraid of i mean a relationship and sexual abuse are very different things so i don't understand why i'm using it as an excuse. i'm just confused

Gutter · 01-29-2010, 09:08 PM

its a trust issue and a confidence issue something you have to work on getting over just be open and be yourself just cause you are afraid doesnt mean you have to cut ties and run.

Tia · 01-30-2010, 09:14 AM

I don't think you're using it as an 'excuse,' I think it's bothering you more than you want it to or expected it to and it's subconsciously affecting how you see things. It's not like you're making the conscious decision to make it a 'bigger deal' than it is just to push people away, y'know? Sexual abuse is a big deal, even if it was a long time ago and you thought you were 'over it,' and it can affect you in 'illogical' and unexpected ways, just like any other highly traumatic event. Don't get angry or ashamed for still being bothered by it. It's okay.

Ignoring things isn't the same as getting over them. Ignoring something means it's still there, you're just pretending it isn't. That's not a long-term solution. It bites you in the ass in the end, as you're finding out. Getting over something like that needs more than just time- it needs actual working through. Usually with a therapist, who can help you identify exactly what you're feeling and help you find ways to cope. They'll also be able to help you not let it affect future relationships.

So my advice is to find a therapist to talk to and work with. There's no stigma, no shame- I've actually gone to therapy, for a different situation. It helped me a lot, even though I wasn't sure it would. I really recommend it. It might take some time, but it's your best bet of really getting over it. There's also group therapy where you can meet other people who've gone through this sort of thing and maybe not feel so weird or alone.

Narrowrule · 01-30-2010, 01:17 PM

One has to respect Tia's advice as it is given with caring and kindness. As complex as we humans are, the best advice given is talk to a professional. There are books written about this, so as not to become a page, take Tia's sound advice; I would!!