Online Drama

**Anon** · 03-04-2010 10:53 AM

Who says online video games aren't filled with RL (thats real life) drama?!

I play an MMO, and I just started on a new server. I made fast friends with a guy (we'll call him X). X and I have only been friends for about a month, but we do count each other as friends.

Now, X has been in an online relationship thingy with a woman (we'll call her Y). I have met Y in RL through my best friend, though I don't know her well and she lives in a different city.

Y has lied to X about darn near everything. She is substantially older than she claims to be, and is married. Her husband knows somewhat about X, but I am not sure how much. He has an account that he uses to check up on them with, and Y has told X its her neighbor's account.

I have gone through a similar scenario. I was "involved" with a guy online for a few months, and found out that he sent me pics of his brother instead of pics of him. It was... very hard. I found out about the pictures from a friend of his who told me to be mean to me.

Should I tell X? The only reason I would tell him is because I hate to think of how much he is investing in this relationship thingy when it is a lie. I've been there. It royally sucks. I know he may never talk to me again because of the info but I also know its better to know. I recognize its not my place but at the same time I would only want to tell him because he is a friend.

The other thing to consider is my RL best friend. Y is her boss, so there may be implications relating to that as well.

Bah, I don't know what to do! Any advice?

**Narrowrule** · 03-04-2010 12:10 PM

Wow, this is pretty heavy duty to me. I can understand making online friendships, even fondnesses. I would say this is due to common interests, ie. gaming. In my humble opinion, taking these faceless friendships to another level, just may be asking for unwanted problems. For example, hurt feelings and dialusionment. This is not so different than chatrooms, you have to be careful and keen to the pitfalls. You never know who is at the other end of all those nice things they say that you like to hear.
I would say keep some mystry about yourself enjoy their gaming company and friendships, and go no farther. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. But your playing companion lied to you and sent his brother's picture. You have to ask yourself just what kind of person would be so deceitful and why? The internet and gaming has opened up a wonderful world of entertainment; but it has also caused harm, serious harm to those who didn't deserve it, but were naive enough to be strung along. Enjoy your gaming, but be wary of who is at the end of that charmer who says all the things you like to hear. They may sound as if they are your age, but many are much older and play more than just online games. Take care, you sound like a very nice person who may be too trusting.

**Anon** · 03-04-2010 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by Narrowrule

Wow, this is pretty heavy duty to me. I can understand making online friendships, even fondnesses. I would say this is due to common interests, ie. gaming. In my humble opinion, taking these faceless friendships to another level, just may be asking for unwanted problems. For example, hurt feelings and dialusionment. This is not so different than chatrooms, you have to be careful and keen to the pitfalls. You never know who is at the other end of all those nice things they say that you like to hear.
I would say keep some mystry about yourself enjoy their gaming company and friendships, and go no farther. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. But your playing companion lied to you and sent his brother's picture. You have to ask yourself just what kind of person would be so deceitful and why? The internet and gaming has opened up a wonderful world of entertainment; but it has also caused harm, serious harm to those who didn't deserve it, but were naive enough to be strung along. Enjoy your gaming, but be wary of who is at the end of that charmer who says all the things you like to hear. They may sound as if they are your age, but many are much older and play more than just online games. Take care, you sound like a very nice person who may be too trusting.

Thanks. But what happened to me was years ago and I was mainly using it to say I know how it feels to be on the other end of the deceit. I now have a bf I love and trust (and met in RL :P).

My dilemma lies in do I tell my friend that his online gf is severely lying to him? Its not really my place but he is a nice guy and a friend and he doesn't deserve that crap. People make fun of online relationships a lot but the truth is a lot can be invested in them.

**rubytuesday** · 03-04-2010 05:41 PM

The question you have to ask yourself is are you willing to risk your friendship for the welfare of your friend? People do tend to shoot the messenger. It's easy to say 'stay out of it' or even 'you need to tell him' but the reality is that only you and he know his situation. For all we know he may need to learn a bit of a lesson from the school of hard knocks, or conversely he may have an extremely negative reaction and generalize to all women. It's hard to say.

But regardless, the situation you're in basically comes down to the reality that if you tell him then you are risking the friendship. I'm not holding that over your head. It's the simple truth.

All I can say is that if it were me, I'd want my friend to tell me. To me, a mark of true friendship is being willing to stick your neck out for me - for good or for bad.

**Devious** · 03-04-2010 06:23 PM

Most people that get involved in long distance online relationships are going to get hurt. Whether you tell your friend about her lying or not, I'd wager money that it won't last anyway (whether or not she was married) - so you getting involved won't change anything except speeding up the inevitable.

If I were you, I wouldn't bother getting any more involved than you already are. I went through getting attached to people online too... and it doesn't go anywhere. Friends or otherwise. Not being pessimistic, just realistic.

**emsgrl** · 03-04-2010 06:35 PM

Like Ruby said, it's a hard call for us to make whether you should tell him or not. You'll have to weigh how you think he will react to it and decide whether it'd be worth it or not. Chances are, he's going to find out eventually or their relationship will just fade away, but maybe you feel you need to tell him so as to not draw out the situation.

Keep in mind though, depending on the person, he may not accept what you're telling him and it may backfire on you. Like I said, I don't know him, but you'll have to think of the possible consequences that my occur..He may stop talking to you or he and Y may go so far as to spread lies about you throughout the server causing you to have a hard time even playing on that server anymore and either transferring/starting over on a new server.

**Anon** · 03-04-2010 07:20 PM

Well the way things are going on my current server (other drama) I will likely be quitting the game. So I am not too worried about it. I just spent a good chunk of change to transfer to this server less than a month ago and someone has decided they don't like me and has already made game-life a living hell. Haha, who needs it?!

**Narrowrule** · 03-05-2010 12:49 AM

Sorry about your server and even more sorry I missunderstood you. Glad you have a great BF, and things are fine in that department. I think you have gotten some pretty fair minded advice from the others that replied, so I will leave it at that. And for the person who is making game life a "living hell" for you, what's with petty people like them?

**emsgrl** · 03-05-2010 04:39 PM

If you decide to quit the game, that's a good way to leave the drama behind. Sorry about people giving you troubles in the gaming world. Unfortunately, there are far too many people who play that take to making people's lives on there miserable.

**Anon** · 03-07-2010 01:48 PM

So I quit the game, account expires at the end of March but I highly doubt I will be logging on between now and then.

I decided to tell him, and he took it well. He had had some doubts relating to the stuff I said, but in the end I don't have any concrete proof. Its not like I have pictures or a Facebook acct to reference. He appreciated me telling him what I knew, but he wasn't willing to confront her on it. Which is totally fine, I never wanted to tell him what he should do, I just wanted to make sure I didn't walk away without saying something.

In the end it played out fine, and I feel better for being honest with him, though I know we will likely not talk again... probably ever.

Next on the agenda for this little anon-type-person is finding some RL activities to replace the online one.

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