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Thread: Sea of Tranquility

  1. #1
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    Wrote this one yesterday. It's very much a work in progress so any advice anybody has would be most welcome....

    Bathe me in mystery,
    Sea of Tranquility
    The breath on your kiss I feel
    Makes me alive.

    Look in your eyes and see
    Sun in the skies broke free
    open your mind to me
    Let me shine!

    CHORUS
    Every time my ship runs aground,
    You heal me
    The sandy shores await me like your arms
    Girl, I need it

    I'm drawn to your side like
    The Moon pulls the tides and
    There's nowhere to hide when
    I'm in love.

    Bathe me in mystery,
    Sea of Tranquility
    Victim of history
    But I am alive!

    Every time my ship runs aground,
    You heal me
    The sandy shores await me like your arms
    Girl, I need it

    (song changes from chilled to a bit heavier)

    No animosity,
    Feel that summer breeze
    Take me away from here,
    Lift me out!
    Touch what you cannot see
    Burn graven imagery,
    I'll burn this fantasy
    I am alive!

    O' won't your winged arms take me home?



    Yah. So basically I thought about using the imagery of oceans, tides etc... to talk about a relationship. Sort of, the fact that at once you need something yet need to be away from it. Sort of like, the 'sandy shores' which are like the arms of a lover draw you in, but you end up running your ship aground....
    The broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds, they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation. For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying. These people know only too well how to use falsehood for the basest purposes... Adolf Hitler

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    Nice imagery. Clever rhythm.

    If you were making the last line four syllables on purpose, you do have one error that I spotted in my initial skim.

    That is all I have right now though. I don`t really read poetry all at once.

    Is this going to be a song? If yes, what is the music/tempo?

    EDIT: Erm, I guess the last line syllable thing was an error on my part. I tend to look for word patterns too though. Actually like it when the feel of a word is taken into consideration as much as the meaning of the word.
    Ayuh, not dead yet. Might change that with an S1000RR though

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    Thanks for reading it through man. It's much appreciated. It is indeed a song. In fact, it's a song which my band have written this week and we're going to be performing it on Saturday which is a bit daunting. It's tempo is 87bpm precisely if you're interested. When we get a decent recording done, I'll post some links on here so people can have a listen and let me know what they think. Obviously not everybody's taste can accommodate relatively heavy groove/stoner rock but you have to try.........
    The broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds, they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation. For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying. These people know only too well how to use falsehood for the basest purposes... Adolf Hitler

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    I like this. I think it's great, actually.

    Very talented.

    The words are moving, they can be interpreted differently by anyone who reads and/or hears it, which makes a good song. If you can speak to a mass amount of people on the same level, and they all feel personally connected to your words then you know you have something special.

    Nice
    "God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex." Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cruel Intentions.

    "You know, the Nazi's had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear, too..." -Office Space

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    I am pretty impressed right now. That was really good. Maybe you should get a gig writing songs for artists.


    On a side note, I wouldn't know Tranquility ..or even a sea of it..even if it bit me on the ass.

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    ooh, i like this one. very well done. kudos!

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