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Thread: Looking back

  1. #1
    Lua
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    Sleepless nights and unfair cab fees,
    both thrown across the floor.
    The only effort made or thoughts gave,
    were to have mine, thrown out the door.

    Expected to stand in the cold with you,
    Whilst you warm to a cigarette.
    A lifetimes worth of what i never wanted,
    In five months i don't regret.

    Every brand new infatuation,
    Every obsession i sat through.
    A snake, a camera, a motorbike,
    You were never one to choose.

    I wasnt what you wanted,
    and you really werent my type.
    We were the result of a spontanious question,
    And a cold December night.



    _____________________________________________


    lemme know what you think x
    You know how quickly the boys found you.
    All those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars
    while you could only dream of getting out. Getting anywhere.

    Getting all the way to the FBI.

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    Third verse needs some work, but I think it's got some promise.

    Nice playing with syllables in the last verse, maybe try and do that with the other three?

    Also, to be pedantic, gramatically 'gave' in the first verse should be 'given'. I know that means it doesn't rhyme, but still.

  3. #3
    Lua
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    ha yeah i know about the 'gave' part.. just thought id be sneaky on that one

    but yeah, thanks for the tips
    You know how quickly the boys found you.
    All those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars
    while you could only dream of getting out. Getting anywhere.

    Getting all the way to the FBI.

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