Thread: S-B Sex Education 101

Sex Myths and Facts

Okay, there is no way on earth that I can possibly cover it all in a single post. But I want to try to hit the biggies. There is so much ignorance out there. This ignorance can cost you your life. I am not going to preach, but I am going to share.

Pregnancy/Conception Myths

1. She can't get pregnant if she is on her period.

While highly unlikely, it is still possible. An egg only lives for 24 hours, however sperm can live up to 5 days within the body. And beyond that, transmission of the HIV virus is more likely when a woman is on her period.

2. Early withdrawal (coitus interuptus) of his penis will prevent conception/STD's.

Long before a man ejaculates he "leaks" semen which contain a very high number of sperm. These sperm can indeed impregnate a woman and/or spread a venereal disease.

3. The Immaculate Conception only happens to Mary.

False, false, false and again false. If a man's penis is rubbing up against a woman's vulva/vagina, any pre-ejaculate leaking of semen can find it's way into her vagina up to an awaiting egg.

4. The Rhythm Method is reliable birth control.

The rhythm method is basically only having sex when the woman is not fertile (has not ovulated). There are several problems with this. Unless you know exactly when ovulation occurs this method is worthless. And even if you do, again sperm can live for 5 days within the body. So if you have sex 4 days before ovulation, conception can occur. (And the rhythm method does nothing to ensure safety from STDs.)

5. Urination or douching after sex will prevent pregnancy.

Again, false. The urethra is located outside the vagina and urine will not even touch the semen let alone render it unviable.

Douching after sex can actually increase the chances of pregnancy because the fluid will wash the sperm further up into the woman.

6. A woman can't get pregnant the first time she has sex.

False. The possibility of conception has nothing to do with whether it is your first time or your 200th time. The only factor that determines conception is fertility. While a woman is only fertile for 24 hours, the life span of sperm inside the body (up to 5 days) means that as a general rule conception is possible for up to 5 days before ovulation and the 24 hours following.

7. Using birth control will ensure that conception does not happen.

There is no birth control that is 100% effective except abstinence. Studies have shown that the pill combined with a condom is generally the most effective method. However, that means that the woman needs to remember to take the pill as prescribed and that the condom is not defective.

Specific Myths Regarding the Gentlemen

1. The penis is the only male "hot spot".

In addition to the penis, there are four male hot spots, (or five, if you count his imagination).

The P Spot: The perineum is an inch-long area between the anus and the scrotum that is also home to lots of nerve endings.

The F Spot: This is the loose (and very sensitive) section of skin on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft.

The R Spot: This is the visible (and highly sensitive) line along the center of the scrotum.

The prostate gland: This is located inside the anus about 2 inches in on the front wall of the rectum.

2. Women prefer large penises. Black men have larger penises than white men.

Fact of the matter is that some do and some don't. Some women find that too large of a penis is painful, while others may even like a bit of the "extreme sensation". It is all specific to the woman's tastes. And beyond that, having a large penis does not guarantee that you will be a good lover. Technique, attitude and consideration are much larger factors in being a good lover.

Regarding average penis size, there are many studies. According to one study performed by Tom Lue, M.D he found that what men frequently consider small is actually the norm. Lue found the average limp penis measured 3.5 inches., while the average erect length reached 5.1 inches. Limp circumference averaged 3.9 inches and average erect circumference came to 4.9 inches.

Yet another study in regards to race gives slightly different results regarding average penis length. Based on a number of surveys (most notably Masters and Johnson), of thousands of men of many different races, white males actually have the largest penises. White males averaged an erect penis length of 6.4" while black males averaged 6.2". Hispanic men averaged 6.0" and finally east Asian men bring up the rear with a meager 5.6"

So what does all this mean? In reality, who the hell knows. Be happy with what you have got and learn to work with it.

3. Men have higher sex drives than women.

While men and women reach their sexual peaks at different ages (around 18 or so for men and around 30 or so for women) there is no overall major difference among the general population between the libidos of men and women.

4. Masturbation will increase the size of your penis.

False. Masturbation has no effect whatsoever on the size of a man's penis.

5. Masturbation is harmful.

False. Actually according to recent studies, regular masturbation plays a key role in prostate health.

6. Men can't have multiple orgasms.

Granted it is not something that is widely experienced among the male population, but men can have more than one orgasm without ejaculating. It is more common with younger men though. As a woman, I am at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to telling you how you can do this. I do know that it involves contracting the PC Muscle. For more information click here.

7. Middle age men experience slower sexual response and performance as a symptom of faltering sex organs

While younger men can and do get aroused more easily than older men, slower sexual functioning does not mean your sex organs are malfunctioning: it's simply a common fact of mid-life sex and nothing more.

Specific Myths Regarding the Ladies

1. There is no such thing as a G-Spot.

False. It does exist. It is a rough patch of tissue about the size of a quarter about 2 inches inside the vagina located on the front wall. Recent studies theorize that it is part of the clitoris. For an indepth article regarding the intricacies of the clitoris click here.

2. A woman without a hymen or a broken hymen isn't a virgin.

False. A lack of a hymen, that little membrane that covers the vaginal opening, does not necessarily mean that a woman isn't a virgin. There are some women that are actually born without hymens. Hymens can be broken by strenuous activity and insertion of a tampon as well. Some women will "pop" their own "cherry" during masturbation. Just because a woman doesn't have a hymen, it doesn't mean that she isn't a virgin.

3. Women don't enjoy sex.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Women can and do enjoy sex just as much as men. Granted, currently at this point not every woman experiences orgasms from sex. However, in my opinion this has nothing to do with ability as much as lack of knowledge about female sexuality.

4. Women don't enjoy sex if they don't orgasm.

This is a tricky myth. It is one of those part true/part false ones. There is more to sex and love making than just an orgasm. Shared intimacy and the closeness of another are just two of these things. According to various studies, about 50% of women don't climax during sex. However this statistic represents all age groups. As the older women were raised in a social climate that pretty much denied women's sexuality and the younger women don't face this same situation, I expect to see those numbers rise. Especially with increased awareness regarding female sexuality.

The true part of this myth is when a lack of orgasm can lead to sexual frustration. Sexual frustration is not a good thing and can lead to a grumpy person.

5. "Good girls" don't masturbate.

False. There might be one or two women in this world that don't masturbate. Other than that, the overwhelming vast majority do. Whether they admit it or not. It is not harmful, shameful or dangerous.

6. Not every woman has a clitoris.

All normal women have a clitoris. Some are smaller and some are larger, but all women have them. However, the sensitivity of the clitoris varies from woman to woman. Some are more sensitive and some are less.

7. When you get your period you are a woman.

When a female gets her period she begins her journey into womanhood. There is no automatic transition from one day to the next. Maturity comes with time. Physical development does not equate to adulthood.

Side note - some basic information regarding menstruation:

Menstruation, in short, is the shedding of the lining of the walls of the uterus through the vagina. When a woman ovulates, the tissue of the uterine walls is built up to await the coming egg in preparation for its fertilization by a sperm. If no fertilization occurs, then the egg and the built up tissue is shed. This is a natural and normal process. Most women menstruate monthly. However not all. Do not feel abnormal if your cycle isn't the 28 day clockwork that some women's are. If you feel concern then consult a gynecologist. Birth control pills can be prescribed to induce a regular cycle.

8. Women don't ejaculate.

Women can and do ejaculate. Not all women can, but it is estimated that 10-40% of women ejaculate. There has not been enough study into this subject to make too many definitive statements - including that estimation. Until more research is done, our knowledge is limited.

However, there are some basic facts that have been proven. Female ejaculate is released through the urethra, however it is not urine. The chemical composition of female ejaculate does not even come close to resembling urine. It is clear or slightly milky, with the consistency of water.

Often times stimulation of the G-spot is what will trigger female ejaculation. However, it is important to note that this is not the only way. Clitoral stimulation can do it as well.

Before a woman ejaculates a slight desire to urinate occurs. Many women confuse this sensation and hold back. When this happens the ejaculate is not released, but instead goes into the bladder. Thus, many women feel the need to run to the bathroom right after sex.

Basic Information Regarding Sex

Before you get all excited, I am not going to be discussing the "how to's" of sex. We have a Let's get It On Forum for that. This is more geared toward some basic information and misconceptions that abound regarding sex.

1. I can't stress this enough ladies, sex does not mean love. Sex within a loving relationship can be a wonderful thing but having sex with a guy will not make him love you. Period. In fact it is more likely that he will use you and find someone else that makes him work a little harder.

2. Gentlemen, No means No. Gentlemen, if a lady says no, please understand that no major changes of the language have occurred. No has not suddenly come to mean yes. I cannot imagine that you would like to be pressured for sex if you did not want to, so please respect her wishes.

3. Ladies, No means No. It is just the same. Just because men are stereotypically seen as horny little buggers that run around with their penises waving in the wind, it does not mean that is the way it is. Just because you want sex doesn't mean he does. So if he says no, please respect his wishes.

4. Ladies and gentlemen, do not allow yourselves to be pressured into sex. Sex is a very personal decision that only you can make. Regardless if "everyone is doing it" or if you are told "if you loved me you would have sex with me", don't let someone else pressure you into a life altering decision that you are not ready for.

5. Rape. When it comes to men raping women, alcohol and drugs are a major player in date rape. Remember to use your best judgment and exercise caution. People change when they drink and do drugs. And sometimes not always for the better. I am not telling you to be afraid and hide away, I am telling you to use your brain and be aware of your circumstances. One party gone wrong can change your life forever.

6. Gentlemen, condoms are your friends. Just because a woman says she is on the pill is no reason to not use a condom. The pills don't protect you from STDs. But beyond that the pill isn't reliable. And as much as I would like to say that all women are honorable and trustworthy, that just isn't the case. Don't allow yourself to get trapped by pregnancy. Take charge of your reproductive rights and responsibilities.

7. Ladies, condoms are your friends. Like I said above, the pill doesn't protect you from STDs and is not 100% reliable. Make sure your guy uses one. If he doesn't want to, then the safe and smart decision would be to let him find sex elsewhere.

8. This is for the guys and the gals. If you have same sex fantasies or dreams it is not an automatic life sentence of being gay. The majority of the population, regardless of what the people will tell you to your face, have had either same sex fantasies or dreams. It doesn't make you abnormal. On the contrary, it means you are normal.

A Final Word About Pregnancy & Parenthood

We are finally coming to a point where incidences of teenage pregnancy are on the decline. This is largely due to education. However the numbers are still astoundingly high. The US has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the western world.

I am sure I don't have to tell you the fears involved in a pregnancy scare, especially if you have ever had one. But the fears are very real and for good reason. Pregnancy will change your life forever. Whether you decide to keep the baby,give it up for adoption or get an abortion. If you decide to get an abortion you will quickly leave your childhood behind knowing that the decision that you will have made can never be reversed. If your decision is adoption you will face the very difficult task of giving up your baby to another to raise. If you decide to keep the baby, your battle is just beginning.

Raising children is not a fairy tale life of always having someone that loves you. It is hard work. And it is expensive. Children, especially infants, require constant attention. Your life will never again be your own. Don't get me wrong, raising children can be a very rewarding experience. But it is best to do it when you are ready to have children and when you are an adult yourself.

As much as the ideals of abstinence are nice, they are often unrealistic. Hormones rage and curiosity is high. But that is no excuse to throw caution to the wind. It is very important to be informed and responsible. It is literally your life at stake.