Thread: Just Ask Her!

**Note this is written from a guys perspective, but this will work just as well for a woman too.**


If I am known for one thing here it is my phrase "Just ask her." If you knew me when I was a teen you would probably think, "how can he say something like that?" If you were to ask me that I would agree with you I was probably as shy as they come, although I'm sure we all think that. At one point in my life I even had a young woman approach me and I was so shy and scared that I told her to leave me alone, a choice that I regret to this day.

You might be asking yourself "How then can a guy like this write an article entitled "Just Ask Her." Well that is an interesting question indeed. Through the years I have recognized the folly of my poor decisions and have radically changed my ways. You could be sitting there right now saying, "It is easy for him to sit there and say all of this." Sure it is but it is also easy to "Just Ask Her" in fact when you get right down to it just asking someone out is a lot of fun and you might be surprised to discover it can be quite addictive as well.

One of the things I discovered in my life I learned while I was in college. This is one of the cardinal things to remember when you are in this process. You never appear as nervous as you feel. That is a fact and that is something you should always keep in your mind as you do this. I learned this when I decided to take up acting. It is like a duck on a pond, one the surface everything appears to be calm and all you see is a duck gliding across the water. Underneath the water, though, the ducks feet are churning away but you would never be able to tell unless you broke the surface of the water and looked.

While it may seem like this one simple step is the hardest thing in the world, in reality when it comes to relationships it is one of the easiest things to accomplish.
Okay enough of the metaphors let me just get to the nitty gritty of it all. I've proposed the idea of just going up and asking someone out and you are probably thinking, "How the heck do I do it?" Well let's get to that.

Step 1: This is the easiest step and one that I am sure, as you are sitting reading this, you have already done. Locate someone you wish to ask out. (See how easy this is!)

Now before I go any further I believe that a few things need to be addressed. The first thing is if you are going to do this you have to realize what you are worth. The easiest thing to slip into is "I am just another guy why would she like me?" This is a poor attitude to have. The last time I checked there was only one of me in the whole world, and that means there is only one of you. If you look at it that way, well that makes you a rare and valuable commodity. This is the most important thing to realize and remember. Next, confidence is an attractive quality to have. It is easy to sit back and think you have no confidence. That may even be the truth but the thing is no one else but you knows that one fact. So when all else fails, fake it. That may seem crazy but if you have ever heard someone say that if they are upset and they pretend to be happy eventually they find themselves not unhappy anymore. If you fake confidence in the beginning eventually you will begin to believe it. So important tip, when all else fails you fake the confidence.

Step 2: This is a good piece of advice for anyone. Do not wait for someone to come to you.

I have seen too many people, well guys mostly whining about the fact that the girl doesn't do the asking. Well let's face facts guys, sooner or later we always come to them. So while I wouldn't suggest it to a woman to sit back and wait for men to come to her, the simple fact is they will. The down side to that is that they have little control over the type of men that are approaching them. Remember the likelihood that they will come to you is very small, so you can either toss the dice and hope you come up with a 7 or you can throw the dice away and approach them yourself. Now that we have that cleared up we can continue. Okay so I have gone on and on about you and how you aren't doing things correctly and I still haven't gotten down to how to do it. So here goes.

Step 3: The Approach

Sometimes as I approach women part of me chuckles at how it might feel like someone walking their final mile. You might have to cover 20 feet before you get to them and if you are new at this that 20 feet will seem like a mile. Relax though this 20 feet should be used to gather yourself together and put on a smile.
As you approach make eye contact and don't break it too soon. If you can maintain eye contact it shows that you are a confident person. This is also the point that you should have a smile on your face. Believe it or not this can help alleviate any tension you might be feeling and any tension they might be feeling. Unless she is a complete dope if you approach her this way she will know that you are probably going to hit on her. I promise you that better than half the time she is probably just as nervous as you are, after all part of her might be wondering "Is he really going to talk to me? Or is he just coming to ask directions to the bathroom?" Okay that may not be what they are thinking, but women can fake confidence just as much as we can.

So remember make eye contact and show her your pearly whites, or pearly yellows in some of your cases.

Step 4: The Introduction

This is probably the most important thing to remember and if you take away anything from this whole article it should be this. KEEP IT SIMPLE. Do not try to impress someone right from the get go. If you are new to this you could end up flat on your face if you try and do something fancy. A simple: "Hi my name is _______. How are you?" will do the trick.

Step 5: The Initial Conversation

I'm sure this is where a lot of you might have the problem. What do you talk about? This was where I had the most trouble too. In my experience I have found that the simple truth works best. After the introduction is made the best thing you can do is let her know why you are there, as if she didn't already know anyway. Something like "You know I just saw you from across the room and I wanted to come over and introduce myself. Can I join you?" This simple statement will open or close the door for you. If she says yes then you know you are in, there is some interest there or she would probably say no. Don't start thinking "Is she saying yes cause she feels sorry for me?" Not only will that thought not help you but it also shows that you are stupid too. If she wants to do that because she feels sorry for you that only opens a door of opportunity for you.

Step 6: The Conversation

This is a lot easier than people realize. Lets face a simple fact. Here is a person that you have never met before. You know absolutely nothing about them. That means that there is everything to talk about. There is no wrong way to start this, just ask them something about who they are and sit back and listen as she talks. As you listen it will reach places where you can interject and talk about yourself and it also leads to new topics of conversation. It is important that during this stage that you maintain eye contact. If you keep looking away for whatever reason the only thing you will be telling her is that you would rather be somewhere else.

Step 7: Getting the Phone Number

Step 6 can last for as long as it lasts. This isn't a race so there is no point in rushing it. The final thing you should do is ask for her phone number. If you don't, you will not be able to contact her later on. You have just spent X amount of minutes talking to this person. If you walk away just hoping you will see them again you may miss out on an opportunity. If this is taking place in a school hallway this would be the time where you would ask her out, to get a soda, to lunch, to dinner, for a walk, whatever. Just do not walk away without at least trying to establish something first.

In closing I would like to say a few things. It is easy to get discouraged if you ask someone out and they say no. Well that is going to happen. You will not, I repeat, WILL NOT hear yes every time you do this. If you go into it with this realization you will not be as disappointed if you hear a no. Even if you do, you shouldn't just look at the "no", you should look at the whole picture. You have just approached someone, talked to them, and asked them out. In my book that is quite an accomplishment and it is something you should be proud of. If someone gives you a hard time about it I say challenge them to do the same and see what happens. More often that not that simple challenge will shut them up. If by some chance you get shot down do not lose the smile on your face. Remove yourself gracefully from the situation and walk away with your head held high. This is all part of that confidence thing, after it isn't your fault that the person you showed interest in wasn't smart enough to realize the valuable commodity that they had within their grasp.

Good luck and now just go ask her!

Originally posted by dragonknight@Nov 22 2004, 12:42 PM
The only way a person can hurt you is if you allow them to hurt you.** If she is laughing at you with her friends is that really someone you would want to be dating?* At that point when she reveals her true colors to you why should you even care what she thinks about you, she is obviously not a nice person.
It all comes down to how you view yourself.* If you see yourself as they see you then you have a problem.* If you see yourself in a positive light you are not really going to care that they are laughing at you.
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Don&#39;t you think its natural for him to feel a little pain? I mean, its such a reserveal. Sure, she&#39;s a bitch, but does that really change the fact that you had feelings at some point?