Thread: The Rule of Ex Girlfriends

It happens again and again… The rule never fails.

So many times on Stupid-Boy I, Dpuck, am forced to explain The Rule. What rule am I talking about? The Rule of Ex Girlfriends.

There are many rules that govern the world, That which goes up must come down, things in motion want to stay in motion, Dpuck is one hot piece of ass… The Rule of Ex Girlfriends is one of them.

We get posts like "I miss my ex girlfriend, how do I get her back?" or "My ex called me up, what should I do?" Well, here it is.

The Rule of Ex Girlfriends: An ex-girlfriend will not come back to you if you are single and missing her. They will only and almost always come back into your life when it will be most disrupting, when you have finally met another woman that there is potential for a long relationship.

How do they know they you are happy? How did the dinosaurs die out? What created life on this planet? These questions have yet to be answered by modern science but I assure you, there are just as many grants and scientists working on this conundrum as there are the origin of life. It may be that these woman have a 6th sense or they are not human at all but minions of Satan.

Dpuck… How do you know all this?

Like Darwin on the Galapagos islands observing the iguanas and coming up with the Theory of Evolution, Dpuck has watched for a long time. And lived it as well.

Case Subject one: This good friend of Duck's dates a girl throughout highschool and into college. It was his first love. She was the first girl he ever slept with. Then she breaks up with him. After 6 months of torturous depression, of trying to change up his looks, seeking women in all the wrong places and calling and calling this woman to no avail he meets a girl. Falls in love. THEN, suddenly the ex returns, appears in bars where this young man is at, shows up at the mall, calls him late at night and tries to bribe him with cheeseburgers and late night strip teases.

Case Subject two: A young man nicknamed BT also dates a girl through highschool and into college. She is younger then him and when he goes away to school she stays in high school and parties away. Dpuck warns BT of the impending doom of this relationship. (An Older Guy in college and a younger girl in highschool has approximately a 92% failure rate.) And just as Dpuck predicted, and actually exactly when (post prom), it failed. So Dpuck set BT up with another girl, while BT's ex leaves him to fuck as many guys as she can before college. BT goes to Florida with this new girl, goes to parties and never hears a word from his ex until she finds out he is seeing someone. Then she is showing up at his house, calling him up and actually transferred colleges to be closer to him.

Case Subject three: Dpuck. After a 3 year long on again off again relationship with a girl, it finally ends when she decides she would rather be with a guy with no future, high school diploma or any respect for her. Dpuck goes through his dark period of bad things until about 6 months later he meets a young woman who is actually the exact thing he needs in his life. His new girlfriend says one night, after hearing about The Rule and the two guys mentioned above, "So its safe to assume you shall be getting a phone call." Well, two weeks later Dpuck does get a call, and in reality she had been calling for 2 weeks but never got through. She brings back up plans they both shared for moving to California and pleads for him to go.

Case Subject four: A young man and friend of Dpuck's has gone from one bad relationship to the other in a desperate attempt to find a girl he can settle down with. So intent on this quest that he is often blinded by the glaring faults that the girls he sees have, major sociological problems and borderline insanity. A girl now dubbed "Psycho Julie" was the worst of the bunch, and yet had a sick, diabolical grip on this boy. After many pleas by both Case Subject One and Dpuck, and a few months of terrible drama he was forced to end it. She of course was seeing another guy on the side. After his car was keyed up and then later stolen, this young man finally found a girl that is exactly what he wants with none of the insanity. After three weeks of seeing each other he gets a phone call. Psycho Julie is outside his house and will not leave until he listens. She tells him she had never felt so strongly for this guy and never missed someone so much. She refuses to accept that they will not be together and will call him until he does the same.

There are four examples of many. So what happened? Case Subjects one and three passed the test. They did not go back to girls that were all wrong for them. Case Subject two failed and is now back together were a girl that continues to do what she did before. Case Subject four is still being tested.

So why is it wrong to go back with these girls? Well, first you must understand The Rule. There are special points in order for it to work.

1)This girl must be someone that the guy had deep feelings for and often are ones that they loved. The first three example cases were first loves. If it was just a fling it doesn't work.

2) The guys heart must be broken. You see, this is all about yearning. About despair, loneliness and yearning.

3)The girls will always pull sob stories. "I always wanted to be with you and I still do, I just needed some time alone", "I miss you so much, my life has not been the same without you.", "I never felt as close to someone as I did and do with you" are very common lines used by these demonic spawns. These lines are meant for one reason. Like a deadly virus, they attack the immune system. They penetrate deep into the man's most vulnerable spot, the heart that is just starting to mend. These girls know what they are saying and what hearing it can do to the guy. In Case Study Three the evil woman in question quickly brought up promises of a new life in California, and how there is nothing on the east coast for her except Dpuck. This is why it is wrong for the guy to fail the test, because girls like this who say this stuff don't really care about the guy, they don't like the idea of being forgotten, of losing that control they had and fed off of like leeches.

A good friend of mine often tells guys this very line, and I believe it and live by it 100%. "If the two of you were meant to be together, you would be together."

This is the biggest mind game a woman can pull on a guy, and the dirtiest. Those that fail the test and succumb to temptation always learn that a tiger can't change its stripes.

In parting, here are some words of advice:

To those guys out there that are sadly mourning the end of a relationship, there is a light at the end of that dark tunnel.

To those guys who have gone through the dark healing period and have finally met someone else, beware, evil lurks and it grows nearer.

To those guys that have passed the test, well done. You are a better man for it and a hero.

To those guys that have failed, your demise is a lesson to us all.

And to those women, those evil harpies that lure men to their doom, I wish only sadness.

Originally posted by LittleBit@Jun 24 2004, 04:02 AM
Alright Dpuck...do these work when the GUYS come back? because Im now happily nearly engaged and 4 of my exes have come back all at once...I dont want any of them, not even in the slightest...but I cant make them go away....THE only ex I took back was the one Im with after both of us spending 5 months going "I wish I could find someone more like you" blah blah..then realised no, we wanted eachother, not just someone like it...but yeah, so mr.almighty ex rule writer...how do I get rid of FOUR exes?

Have you tried vehicular homicide?