Thread: Something about distance?

So I got to thinking yesterday about the girls I've been attracted to since I graduated college, and I noticed a recurring theme. With the exception of two (both of which have seen moved out of the area), every girl I've liked lives far far away from me. Maryland, Wisconsin, Virginia, Minnesota, etc. Its not that I'm meeting them on the Internet or anything, I've met all these girls in person first, its just strange that there is something appealing about a girl who isn't in my area.

Ever since things went bad with the girl at work, I've been thinking about how I'm going to move on, and one of the things I'm most worried about is that there just don't seem to be any appealing girls in my city. I don't know if its my city itself, or if its just my thinking. I thought about the times I've gone out with a girl from out of town, or gone out of town (for racing or work or whatever) and I've always had a blast when the surroundings were unfamiliar to one of us. I think that might be what it is. When I go out with a girl from out of town, its fun to show her areas that are new to her. With the girl from work, I think I took her to every section of the metro area, and it was always exciting. I've gone to those same places with girls from my town, and in those cases, it was boring. I don't know.

It seems like an odd situation to be in. Maybe there is the added fact that I don't have to see the girl every week that makes it more appealing to me. Maybe its that I don't like the city I live in. I don't know how to go about things if this is going to be my line of thinking. I can't just go fly to Texas or Georgia or Oregon or something and try to pick up girls to date long distance, that just sounds stupid. Nor can I afford it. But why is this becoming the norm for me when it comes to my interest in girls?

Do you think maybe you do it subconciously?? Like you fear rejection, so you put yourself in positions to like women who live far away when you know theres virtually no chance of it working, so you can blame the distance if it doesn't work out, rather than have to sit around critisizing yourself for it not working with the girl 10 mins across town??

Or maybe its an ego thing to be able to show girls new places in town. Makes you feel kinda like an expert at something, and that way you have something to do with them, and things to talk about rather than yourself and themselves?? We all get that way, theres nothing more fun than to be able to take someone around for a full day and show them all sorts of fun stuff, and neat things and have them paying attention to everything you say and find all your plans exciting. Maybe you've just done it so much, that you think it won't work out with someone close by, because they've seen it all around there. The girls far away cant reject your plans, or say the think it will be boring or whatever, because they dont know and they haven't been there yet??

And maybe when you go out of town and date girls, you know at the very least if she ends up being boring, you wont be bored because you're experiencing new things??

Think hard about it. If all the girls you've been interested in were from your city instead of far away, would you still be interested in them?? Or would they be boring too?? Have you ever just gone and done nothing all that exciting with these women, and enjoyed it??
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I think you have some good points. I'm sick of doing the same things in this boring city. But when I do these things with someone new, or try out something new that I can't do with my local friends, its different. The last date I went on with a local girl was in July, and it was a struggle to think of something interesting to do. Whenever I go out with my friends, its always a struggle to think of something to do. That isn't the case when a girl I know is in town from somewhere else, or when I'm out of the area and meet or are with a girl also not from the area. Did you know that I've been to 11 states this year? I've discovered this year that I really like travelling.

I think part of what makes me not think its a crutch is the fact that I met a girl that seemed into me who was from Buffalo, and the thought of going to Buffalo just wasn't appealing. We went out one night this summer to an Indians game, I was only sorta into her, and we just left it at that.

And I don't think it is commitment either, because after my night with the co-worker, I was thinking about how I'd actually be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to date a girl that I'd have to fly to see (and vice versa). I've been rejected enough times over the past couple of years that its not something I fear anymore.

I don't even know what to think anymore. Every day of my adult life has felt like a fight, except maybe two or three. And those days, for whatever reason, were so great, that it crushed me when the next day came and everything collapsed. The day I was a serious prospect to race for Red Bull; I collapsed the next day and was too old for another chance the next year. The night I went on my first date since I was 16 and it went great; the next week she ignored me and disappeared forever. And then what happened two weeks ago.

Everything just feels like its me fighting a pointless uphill battle. Using all my free time to race as a defense mechanism to keep from getting hurt. Acting like I'm always happy and unfazed by adversity so no one thinks I'm weak. Pushing to the extremes to be successful as a racer to justify the time and money spent on it, to fight for respect. Pretending that I'm ok with no longer having any close friends when I'm really not. Trying to convince every girl I come across to like me, without being direct about it because I don't have the confidence to take the chance that she might not. I always lose.

I have one of the best lives in the world. Great job, perfect health, no major problems. I shouldn't even have the right to complain! So why am i so whiny and miserable? I just don't know what to do.