Thread: Paying for Dates

Good frickin` grief. Be a man and finance your own entertainments. Don`t be a wuss and let the woman pay. She didn`t ask you out, she didn`t come up with the places to go, and she probably isn`t driving. So she doesn`t get to pay.

Yes, dammit. It`s all or nothing. Either you asked someone on the date or they asked you. The one that came up with the idea needs to be able to bankroll it. That or, you know, be a Gimp-weasel. That`s the rule. It`s written down right under "No women, no kids".

I sometimes pay for things that aren`t dates. Like if I want to go shoot some pool and I know one of my chums is sort of poor at the time. I make sure he knows he is welcome to come along and I will get a pitcher or two and pay for the table. I do this because I know what it is like to be scraping by, and because I would expect if the situation were reversed, they might do it for me.

Even if they never have that happen, maybe I get to be an example they will remember when they are sorta flush, and have a friend that is having a hard time.

Be a friend to your friends.

Huey:"Riley, all women are not hoes. We're talking 20, 25% tops."
Riley:"Okay. If they not all hoes, then why I gotta pay to take em out to eat then? I mean, I'm payin'; that's payment."
Huey:"I... I dont know, cuz that's just what you do. You meet a girl, you take her out to dinner, but you're not payin' the girl, you're payin' the restaraunt."
Riley:"But I'm payin', which makes her a ho."

[/Boondocks]

I'm split on this. I think it really depends on the situation, and who it is with.

For example, I think a guy on a first date should always pay. It's just right. I think the act of paying for a girl is one of the things that makes it a date in the first place rather than just hanging out.

However, if you're in a relationship, i see no problem with having your girlfriend pay once in awhile. Usually my girlfriend and i will switch off sometimes. We don't actually keep tabs and stuff, but sometimes she'll be like, "you payed last time, dont even think about touching that wallet tonight." It's kind of nice sometimes. However, if we're at a nice fancy place, or if its a special occassion I ALWAYS pay. but if you're just going out to chilis on a friday night, i dont see anything wrong with her paying once in awhile.

I hate for people to pay for me too. So usually if it's like a movie and dinner date or something, I'll offer to pay for the movies or something. Or if the person is stubborn, then I might just get away with leaving the tip.

I dont know, i just feel more comfortable when its not all one person paying.

When I first start dating a guy, or on the first date atleast Ill offer to pay for the second half of activities if there is any. After that, we switch it up, or keep sharing the cost on dates with more than one activity. But when I meet one of those guys who refuses to let me pay for anything, it doesnt work long. I Dont like someone thinking they need to take care of me, and they need to pay my way. If you prefer to pay, fine as long as I get to sometimes. But if they absolutely refuse to let me pay, I get irked real fast. It seems to be more of a money is power kind of thing when it gets to that, and Im so not into guys like that.

I`ll say this.

Open-minded-ness never killed anyone. However, I stick fast to my rule about not coming up with an idea if you do not want to pay for it. In my situation with friends, I let it be known up front if I can not afford to spot anyone. Then if we all don`t want to do whatever, we don`t go.

In a relationship, I don`t bring up things I can`t afford. If my ladylove wants to take me out for a change of pace though, that is quite acceptable. I`ll let her pay for everything. What I don`t do is confusion though. Or that go dutch crap. Friends can pay their way if we are just hanging around, but if I am romantically interested in some chica, then only one person pays for the date. If I brought it up, then the date is my gift to her.

...And before we get to that whole 'feeling bought' crap, no sex is not automatically implied as repayment. There should be some flirting or something to show continued interest though, or I would be likely to assume there is no interest.

Of course, the date could always end on her steps with something like 'Well love, I had a wonderful time at the play. Would you let me take you dancing tomorrow night?'

Then she hasn`t been 'bought'. She also let me know up front by saying who is taking who out. Whoever does the taking does the paying.

Cracks me up that people try to confuse the ever loving heck out of dating, then grumble when it isn`t fun anymore.

Tasha never let me pay.
She actually paid for me a few times when she wanted to go out and do something I couldnt afford.

Yeah, I'm with Tequesian on this one. I think it's the person with the plan that pays. But for me, that goes for everything. I hate it when I ask my mom to go to lunch and she tries to pay for both of us. It makes me feel like I scammed a free lunch out of my mother, and that's just not right...

Isaac and I are pretty 50/50 now, and we pretty much still follow the whole "my idea, I pay" rule. It was sort of like that in the beginning, too. For our first date, I believe he paid. But I don't really know whose idea it was. I think it was mine, but I tricked him into thinking it was his. It was right when The Ring came out, so I said, "All of my friends have seen it and they said it was scary. Now I want to see it. Sucks that all my friends already went..." He, of course, asked if I wanted to go see it, and he paid. I don't remember the discussion about who would pay, though.

I don't know, bb. I could see her maybe being a little offended. But if she was, it was because of the laugh and then just handing your credit card over. Maybe she could take as you saying, "Ha. That's funny. As if you could pay..." But if she took it that way, she's pretty lame, and you said she's not.

Now, based on the theory of the person who asked paying, what about blind dates? What if your set up by some third party? Who pays then?

Now, based on the theory of the person who asked paying, what about blind dates? What if your set up by some third party? Who pays then?
[/b]

I'd probably only ever go on a blind date if the third party paid.

It does depend on who asks who, and how they ask.

"Do you fancy going out for a meal?" is a very different question (financially) to "Can I take you out for a meal?" The former means you either both pay, or have a stupid disagreement about who's paying when you're there, the latter means the 'I' has to pay. For me personally, if I've gone out under the belief that my food is being paid for, I obviously won't bring up such semantics at the dinner table, I'll just gauge what her mood seems to be when it comes time to pay. If she's all up on it, grand, if not, I'll ask "Am I getting this?"

IF it's a special meal, and she's all "no no I'm paying," and I want to pay for it, I'll excuse myself shortly before the end of the meal under the pretext of going to the toilet, and I'll slyly pay for the food.