Thread: how to tell the bf about the fb?

no but the relationships overlap... as do the friend circles of my roommate and i. it'll come out eventually. that's the problem. not even counting my desire to remain friends w/the fb.

That is a tough one. If my partner was hanging out with an old fb and there wasn't anymore tension/sexual innuendo I'm not sure I'd want to know that they slept together. I had a conversation with my cousin recently and she says there have been a couple of occasions where she's been at a party and suddenly noticed her boyfriends facial expression change and she instantly knew someone who he had slept with had walked into the room and he would pull that face knowing how my cousin would react and It's like...if It's not an issue why tell her? It can cause even more mistrust? Does anyone get me?

How possible is it that someone will tell him? Are they connected by mutual friends? If they are I'd worry coz people are busybodies but if there aren't...what's the point?

You should only tell him if you feel a wrongdoing if you don't. Otherwise, put yourself in his position and ask the same question and go by that. Live by your own convictions (yay Ruby once said that to me It's gold haha).

Fuck it. It's not like it's a big deal and the guy should be man enough to not care about something that happened before he was in the picture. He also can't tell you who you can and can't see, that's completely retarded.

Yes you should tell him since if he hears from someone else it will be bad. Just be like "hey what did you do yesterday? i went for a beer with this guy, oh didn't i tell you about us?" Whatever. Don't make it a big deal and it won't be one. If he decides to make it one then he's a tool.

Do what you want to do, don't make it about what he might think.

Originally Posted by Gosu

Yes you should tell him since if he hears from someone else it will be bad. Just be like "hey what did you do yesterday? i went for a beer with this guy, oh didn't i tell you about us?" Whatever. Don't make it a big deal and it won't be one. If he decides to make it one then he's a tool.

Do what you want to do, don't make it about what he might think.

Do what you want to do?? I personally thought relationships were what "both" parties thought about certain things, not "just do it and if he gives a shit fuck him, il grab a beer with whoever the fuck i want, even if it's the guy that used to shove his cock in me", wtf kinda shit is that..

It's unreasonable to expect your partner not to see certain people. Period.

i disagree. it came up when i was talking with my brother about this and telling him that "b wants to grab beers tomorrow, and i want to go... but i was thinking if the tables were turned and my bf wanted to go out with some chick he used to fuck, i'd be uncomfortable"

and then we started talking about how i should maybe just TELL him about the situation before he finds out from my cousin (who IS a busybody- i'd like to THINK he'd never say anything, but it's kindof like having secret ammo in his arsenal, not to mention the friends who tease me about the situation for one reason or another)

i'm kindof liking the idea of asking him if he'd want to know. i know about people he's fucked, just because we have a lot of mutual friends. in fact, a similar thing came up on his end a couple weeks ago.
a gf of mine said "yeah he slept w/D right before he left cdale"
and i was like "wasn't he still dating J at that time?! wtf? he's not that kind of person..."
and i asked him about it and he was kinda offended that i would think he cheated on his gf. and i really didn't believe my gf who told me because he's NOT that kind of guy... but i brought it up and it was a weirdly awkward convo nonetheless.

i guess i could play it like that... if it comes up, it comes up... but he's not me, and he might be freaked out about this. it's so tough to gague other people's potential reactions. personally i don't give a shit about what people he's slept with (except for in the case he might have cheated, which needed confirmation since i don't want to date a cheater), and i wouldn't mind going WITH him for beers with any of his ex's... in fact, i've had drinks with ALL of them, lol.

i had a fairly promiscuous summer... never thought it could fuck up a future relationship- at least like THIS, ya know, std's and babies aside...
never planned on having a relationship. of course.

i didn't do anything wrong, i just omitted the connection between "fb who oopsed me" and "neighbor who picks me up for work every day"

maybe i will let it marinate in my head a lil longer... and i'll just tell fb that something came up tonite.

IMO, break it off with the fb, then come clean to the bf. KISS......keep it simple stupid. Why make it into more drama than it needs to be?

Yeah, I don't know why you're making this into such a complicated dramatic situation. Tell the BF BEFORE you hang out with FB, if you hang out with him at all. To tell the BF afterward, no matter what rationalizing scenario you cook up, would seem sneaky and might gross him out. I would want to go into a situation (such as the group dinner with your 'coworkers' and FB) knowing what the situation was, not find out afterward and feel like an idiot.

It doesn't sound to me from what you said that he'll make a big effing deal about it but you're right, better he find out from you than someone else and better he find out sooner than later when you're even more wound up and stressed and awkward about it. Just do it.

heh. my brother warned me that i over analyze these things. this, i know, is true.

i'm just going to talk to him when he gets here. i was thinkin maybe i'll play the "so i thought you knew, but in case you didn't, and since he wants to hang out..." card...

ok so now i'm getting antsy... he said he was getting off early today... which he didn't. and he regularly gets home around 4:30, and i haven't heard from him all day. and it's 5:30. what the fuck.

plus fb is txting me. awesome.

well, hope it goes smoothly. Hope everything is ok with the bf

i am walking the line between worry and pissed off... he usually calls me... i'm kinda pissed that i am worrying.
esp after mulling all this shit over.

*he picked up. said he's still working. and now i am pissed that he didn't call me or anything. i hate worrying about people.

Turn off your brain dude! That is all.