Thread: Honest Question For The Ladies

I think some girls are attracted to 'bad boys'. I don't know why. maybe they think they can 'fix' them. Maybe they like to live on the edge. I really don't see the attraction in someone who have been convicted of beating up a pregnant woman. Maybe they don't know about that. I suspect its not something he shares when he's picking up.

Its probably a difference in attitude. He is probably saying what they want to hear, whether or not its true. You've said the women aren't aware of each other, so there is probably a whole heap more they aren't aware of. I think the person you see, and the person who portrays to these women are not the same person.

Its so easy to lose hope when you witness such things, but you can't give up hope. You don't want one of those women anyway, that are attracted to such things. I'm sure the girl you want to be with has a whole heap more standards and is probably pondering a similar thing about why she can't find a decent guy when her slutty room mate has no trouble picking up.

It'll happen when the time is right.

I think you just haven't met the right women. Are you looking for them in the right places? If you're just going to clubs and bars then yeah, most of the women there won't be looking for someone smart, you know? The bar crowd doesn't tend to be the sort to want to settle down with someone. It sounds like you're quite the catch, I would remember that and be confident and let things happen when they happen, don't be desperate. Desperation is a turn-off and so is self doubt. Act like you're the shit and people tend to treat you differently.

And yeah, tight jeans are comfortable [for me] as long as they're not actually so tight that they dig into my waist or give me a wedgie. Well-fitting tight jeans do neither.

Maybe you're arrogant?

Originally Posted by Aimee

Maybe you're arrogant?

Not sure I see arrogance here - more of an honest self-assessment but more to the point, I see where he is coming from and women certainly go through the same thing no doubt.

Having worked in clubs for a number of years, I got to see on average who drew the women/men vs who tried and failed. Like Tia says, it's not that clubs/bars are the ideal place to meet people - just that one can get a quick and dirty assessment of what can tend to attract the opposite sex in that particular environment.

It seems to me that the some (but I don't believe 'most') women that gravitate to the bad boys are all too easy to find since it's the superficial aspects of the man they are attracted to. Same with guys who break the bank to buy drinks all night for the low cut tops and short skirts.

Your challenge is where to meet the right women and I don't envy you the task. I do however envy you the moment when you realize that you have met the right one - it'll feel great!

My point is that if he sees himself as a much better catch than all these other guys, maybe he doesn't pursue women as much as he should. Maybe he expects them to fall all over him because he's such a great catch.

So, I guess my question would be what are you doing to get the women you're interested in? Are you trying and failing? Or just not trying?

You are who you are; don't try to become what you think will get you a girl. It won't work, you probably can't play that card without some serious work, and it'll turn out worse in the end. Be yourself, you have a shit-ton going for you, and I've only read a paragraph. Forensic psychology is some pretty cool shit, and you're setting yourself up for a pretty comfortable lifestyle once you're all done. It sounds like you're a pretty grounded, levelheaded, good kid, and it'll pay off.

Now, I think you're not going to have any problems next year, once you start your doctorate. The women will be a little more mature, and a lot of them will probably be starting to kick tires and see who they're looking to stick around with (You can read this as girls getting more desperate for a husband if you want). As an added bonus, they (should) be smarter than most of the girls you're looking at now, so they'll be able to keep up intellectually.

First, how do you go about picking up women at the moment? It sounds to me like you just don't know what your options are. Bars and clubs don't work for your kind; you need something a little more intimate, something where you can get a good conversation in and let your intelligence shine. If you want to get started immediately, start looking into clubs and extra-curricular activities that you feel you'd enjoy. Now, narrow that list to the ones that are likely to have women in them. Go there, see what you think. If nothing else, you'll meet some new people and maybe pick up a skill or two.

What you should be focusing on now is getting confident around women. When's the last time you asked a girl out on a date? If you can't remember, make it your goal this week to ask some girl out for lunch or coffee. You don't need a whole ton of conversation before asking; you only need enough to get her interested.

Ask what she's majoring in, then when she asks you, respond with your major, then let her know about your future plans. She'll like that "doctorate" word; it'll show her that you're smart, you're planning for the future, and she can chase you if she's interested. She might not know what forensic psychology is, so just give her a quick little summary. Then, go back to her plans for after school. Doesn't particularly matter what she says; you sound smart enough that you can ask a reasonably intelligent question about it. Again, this will make you look intelligent, and every girl likes when people are interested in their lives. After that, I'd just say that I've got to run, and ask her if she'd want to meet up sometime later. Done.

If I may keep assuming, it looks like your "humbleness" is shutting you off from women. You're waiting for the right one, for the perfect situation, for that "right girl" that may never come. It's (probably) not going to happen that way (although you get lucky once in a while). You do have a skewed vision of women, in that you expect the right "today's woman" to magically fall into your arms. The point is, men still have to start the chase, every time.

Humbleness and proper manners aren't going to help you meet a girl; they will, however, help you keep her. Don't change yourself, as you have a LOT going for you. Just grow a pair and start talking to girls!

Originally Posted by The Viking

If I may keep assuming, it looks like your "humbleness" is shutting you off from women. You're waiting for the right one, for the perfect situation, for that "right girl" that may never come. It's (probably) not going to happen that way (although you get lucky once in a while). You do have a skewed vision of women, in that you expect the right "today's woman" to magically fall into your arms. The point is, men still have to start the chase, every time.

In a round about way, this was my point. Based on what you've posted, it seems that you're spending too much energy focusing on how you have more to offer than guys that are getting girls instead of focusing that energy on what you can do to get your own. So, I was talking about arrogance in the sense of you expecting to get a girl based on what you have to offer and nothing else. It doesn't work that way. Viking has some good advice, so I would take it, if I were you.

I think the reason that these other guys get so many more women is they aren't afraid to go after a woman. A girl likes to be pursued. And there are so many guys sitting around complaining about not being able to find a woman, that they never actually go after any women.
You say you do try, so keep it up.

Another thing to consider, as trite as it sounds - the harder you look, the harder the right woman will be to find.

Relax and do your own thing with school, friends, whatever. Be open, natural and just chill. Relationships will develop naturally - not because you are forcing them to. Women can smell desperation a mile away!

And forget about your roommate. You're not the same person so how can you honestly compare your situation to his?

Love's not a competition

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