Man, I had the worst day today. I was shaving my ball fro - as I do every Tuesday - when my razor broke in my hand and cut my scrotum. I was jumping around in pain when I slipped and fell out of the shower, knocking my mobile phone into the toilet.
Then, as I getting dressed, I went to put on my Air Jordans. As I slid my foot inside, I realized the dog had pooped in it. I went to take it off in a fury, when I tripped and fell through my Japanese Lacquered Cabinet, destroying it and re-opening my ball wound, which bled all over the other shoe.
I was so mad, because that meant I couldn't go running in my new Juicy Couture Striped Track Suit, so I took it to the Goodwill.
"Could this day get any worse," I thought to myself. As it turned out, it could. On my way back from Goodwill, I was approached by a man in an Atlanta Falcons jersey. Thinking nothing of it, I was about to say hello when all of a sudden he pulled a gun and started cursing at me. Before I knew it, he ripped my Steelers jersey off of me, threw it on the ground, and pissed on it.
Then, while walking home shirtless with my moobs hanging out, I went to scratch my balls, re-opening the wound one more time.
God, I'm so glad today is over. Does anyone have any ideas as to how to replace all of my stuff?[/b]
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