Suicidal Thoughts?

**Rooster** · 01-28-2010 09:50 PM

Not sure where this goes topic wise in reference to location on the sight, so I picked this one.

I could go on a pity party for a little while about childhood things and whatnot, but I don't think it's the root of it. Mother was an alcoholic(still is), father wasn't too friendly, and certainly not the even more alcoholic uncle who looked after me. I honestly don't believe it's from being fucked over by numerous people, being homeless at one point, Or even my tour in Iraq. But it seems more and more everyday I keep thinking about it. I have no idea why. Perhaps it's me still growing up, (just turned 21), or something else. Any ideas?
-Rooster

**Aimee** · 01-28-2010 11:53 PM

I've never had suicidal thoughts, but I find myself thinking about death more and more. It's hard to explain. I don't ever think of taking my life, but I do sometimes feel like I have no desire to keep doing the same thing day in and day out. I think some of it is pure curiosity about what things were like for my dad when he died.

I've been able to pinpoint my problem to just feeling hopeless. What am I working toward? What's next? Blah, blah, blah. I'm not trying to hijack your thread. Just trying to relate to your problem as best I can.

What are your plans now? What are you doing? What do you want to do? I would definitely suggest therapy. After what you've been through, I think it's important to deal with your feelings on it.

**Fruity** · 01-29-2010 12:26 AM

If you have suicidal thoughts, I'd suggest you see a counsellor or something, just so you have someone to talk to about it, and maybe come up witha plan on how to deal with it.
You are a valuable person, and we don't want to lose you.

**rubytuesday** · 01-29-2010 08:52 AM

Paul, what you are facing is not abnormal. Granted it doesn't mean you should embrace those thoughts. You've been given a lot to deal with and it's not unnatural to want an 'out' so to speak.

A lot of it is about coping mechanisms. Talking to friends, physical activity, going to church (if it suits you), volunteer for a charity/cause you believe in etc. You need to find ways to deal with the bad moods and the thoughts that come with them - to pull yourself out of it. We all get depressed now and then. That's completely normal. It's how we deal with it that is important.

**Trionix** · 01-29-2010 01:15 PM

Suicidal thoughts and morbid thoughts of death are actually surprisingly healthy. Thoughts like this could be your mind's way of dealing with a status anxiety you and a lot of other soldiers are feeling right about now. A few of my friends were in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now that they've returned, they feel like they've been screwed. They signed up with no qualifications, being told tales of glory and heroics and extensive careers and untold riches, and now that they've finished, there was no hero's welcome, and they can't find a job because they still don't have any qualifications.

So when you look around you, and you see that your peers are 'succeeding', it's perfectly normal and human to feel jealous, and depressed that your life is not as 'on track' as theirs. Especially after what you've been through, you are probably feeling like you deserve more than you have, you've served your country after all.

If your mind is thinking of death, this is probably your mind trying subconsciously to remind you that these things, the successes of your friends and your own life's lack of direction, mean absolutely nothing when in the end we all turn to dust anyway.

It's good to think about death, scary as it might seem. It's healthy and stress-relieving to be reminded of how insignificant life is sometimes, it lets you appreciate the smaller things.

And yes, it's also a massive part of growing up. I can't speak for women, but for young men, especially as you realise that you aren't going to be famous, or become an astronaut, or go to the moon or win the lottery, you start to look around and wonder, 'is this it, until I die?'

It's absolutely normal man.

**Narrowrule** · 01-30-2010 04:33 AM

The mind is a terrifying thing to someone who is having thoughts of suicide. These powerful thoughts are potentially very destructive and should be given the proper attention and care immediately. There are a variety of methods available for dealing with suicidal thoughts--but all require a willingness to receive the necessary help and support.
Talk with someone about your feelings and thoughts. Having suicidal thoughts doesn't mean you're crazy. It does mean you need to talk about the feelings you're experiencing and seek help. Tell a counselor, friend or family member immediately.

**pseudo** · 01-30-2010 02:42 PM

Yeah, I think this is rooted in being in Iraq. I'm sure you can get help through the military since they are on the hotseat for evidently Army Suicides hit Record High - chicagotribune.com depressing the shit out of all your poor guys. Just don't think life is always going to be this way. And don't friggin kill yourself, you've already given enough, right.

It's normal to think about death. For me anyway. The issue is how you're thinking. The more you focus on certain thoughts the more twisted your brain becomes... everything starts to seem hopeless, a reason life sucks and is pointless lurking behind every potential happy thought. I get like this sometimes so for me, I am usually thinking my way into that state and can also think my way out. Talking to someone seems pointless and ridiculous perhaps, but it could help you retrain the brain. If everyday you are going back to the same thoughts, adding more bad thoughts, sounds like what I've always called my downward spiral. You can pull yourself out, really you can. Everything being so clearly horrible is an illusion. The power of the mind is horrifying sometimes.

**Narrowrule** · 01-30-2010 03:28 PM

pseudo, hello!! I agree it is normal to think about death. Not in this way, however. Should you tell someone that seeking to connect with someone, that help is pointless.I think NOT!!!! The fact that Rooster has put his feeling down in this forum, is a step that wasn't easy, I'm thinking. We must always encourge, not tell someone it is pointless to seek positivity. I don't mean to sound judgemental, it is just that I lost my brother to suicide. I wish he had had the strength to reachout or share his mind thoughts.

**Rooster** · 01-30-2010 05:18 PM

Hey everyone,
I appreciate all the replies, truely I do. I have sat here and read your posts, and thought to myself that random people took time out of their days to give their own two cents on an issue that had nothing to do with them. For that, thank you.

Lately I've been just relaxing and listening to music to be honest, it seems to bring my thoughts levels to a minimum. I suppose it kind of dwells down to me perhaps being alone now all the time. That in affect has made my mind wonder off into these different paths. I'm starting to snap out of, frankly, feeling sorry for myself. I used to dwell on my past experiences, and be a coward and hide behind them. I suppose everyday is the first day of the rest of your life. I honestly think Iraq was good for me. It is true though, no matter who you are, where you came from, when you go over there, you come back different so how, some way. I guess I just needed some time to decompress. Thank you everyone again.
-Rooster

P.S.
If anyone has read prior posts of mine. I made the trip to England, met my online friend who helped me through my last six months of deployment. She is wonderful and we are trying to make things work between us.

**pseudo** · 01-30-2010 05:45 PM

sounds good, rooster. glad to hear it

narrowrule... You seem to have misread what I said.

**Narrowrule** · 01-31-2010 01:06 AM

So sorry, pseudo! I did misread, after closer reading, what you said, please accept my apology. Just re-learned a valuable lesson here, and I thank you!

N'rule

**pseudo** · 01-31-2010 01:46 AM

No worries, Narrowrule

**Lothar** · 02-09-2010 03:46 AM

Hey man, glad you made it back.

If you get around my area any time, drinks are on me.

**Tequesian** · 02-15-2010 10:50 PM

So is being alone the big issue?

Hmm, I was starting to think it was more about a percieved narrowing of options. 'Life sucks and nothing I can do will help' sort of thought.

Well, if you`ll permit me a bit of Yogi Berra-ism, obviously when you can`t think of anything else to do, you need to think of something else.

Outside the box or whatever.

So too much alone is an issue. Erm, take a class? Get a dog? Maybe learn to play some of the music you like to listen to?

If you want to do something really messed up, take your cooler, chuck in some ice, get a few cases of soda, and take the whole rig to a park or someplace busy and sell them for a quarter or fifty cents more than you paid for `em. Why? Pssh, why ask why?

Why does not matter. You probably won`t learn anything earthshattering selling pop in a park. Depending on where said park is you might get some money. You might get mugged. You might get chased off by the police

...but you won`t be sitting at home wondering if you should off yourself or how you could send me the stuff you won`t be needing anymore.

Point being, do something you have not done before.

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