+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 45 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 13 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 45 of 675

Thread: The Big Ass Joke Topic

  1. 08-27-2003 01:01 PM #31
    lululemon
    lululemon is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 15,242, Level: 53
    Level completed: 63%, Points required for next Level: 208
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,588
    Points
    15,242
    Level
    53
    vCash
    500
    I'll keep posting them as I find them
    *note: not mine, found from various sites online!*

    *****
    A prisoner escapes from the prison where he ahs been held for 15 years.
    As he is running away, he finds a house and decides to break in. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife:
    "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
    To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."

    *****
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. 08-27-2003 01:09 PM #32
    lululemon
    lululemon is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 15,242, Level: 53
    Level completed: 63%, Points required for next Level: 208
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,588
    Points
    15,242
    Level
    53
    vCash
    500
    *****
    Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.

    The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. With that, the three men went their separate ways to gather fruits.

    The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

    The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

    The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

    The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself, this should be easy.

    1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

    The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.

    The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

    The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

    *****
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 08-27-2003 02:47 PM #33
    lululemon
    lululemon is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 15,242, Level: 53
    Level completed: 63%, Points required for next Level: 208
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,588
    Points
    15,242
    Level
    53
    vCash
    500

    Exclamation

    Feel free to add!


    Nike Condoms: Just do it.

    Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

    Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

    Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

    Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

    Flintstones Vitamins Condom: Ten million strong and growing.

    Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

    Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

    Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

    Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

    Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

    New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know.

    California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

    Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

    KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

    Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

    Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

    Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good.

    General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life!

    AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone.

    Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper.

    Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?

    Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going....

    M&M Condoms: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!

    Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border.

    Burger King Condoms: Your way, right away

    MCI Condoms: For friends and family

    Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

    The Sears latex Condoms: One coat is good for the entire winter.

    Delta Airlines travel pack Condoms: Delta is ready when you are.

    United Airlines travel pack Condoms: Fly United.

    The Star Trek Condoms: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.

    Fisher Price Condoms: Oh the possibilities!

    The Carl's Jr.: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face!
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. 08-27-2003 08:38 PM #34
    Tia
    Tia is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 11,771, Level: 46
    Level completed: 95%, Points required for next Level: 29
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered     Tia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    guess, mi amigo
    Posts
    1,930
    Points
    11,771
    Level
    46
    vCash
    500

    Make it an earth-friendly holiday!
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 08-27-2003 08:51 PM #35
    True
    True is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 10,625, Level: 44
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 225
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    2,172
    Points
    10,625
    Level
    44
    vCash
    500
    heard the last one before but the first one was funny
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. 08-29-2003 01:44 PM #36
    SexiSexist
    SexiSexist is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 12,428, Level: 48
    Level completed: 26%, Points required for next Level: 372
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,401
    Points
    12,428
    Level
    48
    vCash
    500
    Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

    Among the brothers:

    Sooflay... the restauranteur

    Guday... the half-Australian brother

    Huray... the sports fanatic

    Sashay... the gay brother

    Kuntay & Kintay... the twins from the African mother

    Sayhay... the baseball player

    Ojay... the stalker/murderer

    Gulay... the singer/entertainer

    Ebay... the internet czar

    Biliray... the country music star

    Ecksray... the radiologist

    Puray... the blender factory owner

    Regay... the half-Jamaican brother

    Tupay... the one with bad hair

    Among the sisters:

    Pusay... the 'loose' 22 yr old

    Lattay... the coffee shop owner

    Bufay... the 300 pound sister

    Dushay... the clean sister

    Phayray... the zoo worker in the gorilla house

    Sapheway... the grocery store owner

    Ollay... the half-mexican sister

    Gudlay... the prostitute

    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. 08-29-2003 04:38 PM #37
    lululemon
    lululemon is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 15,242, Level: 53
    Level completed: 63%, Points required for next Level: 208
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,588
    Points
    15,242
    Level
    53
    vCash
    500
    lmao
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. 08-29-2003 04:42 PM #38
    Sakari
    Sakari is offline
    SB Addict
    Points: 5,437, Level: 31
    Level completed: 40%, Points required for next Level: 213
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    a padded room
    Posts
    118
    Points
    5,437
    Level
    31
    vCash
    500
    lolo, those are good!!
    <span style="font-family:Times">"F u cn read ths thn u cnt spl wrth a sht!"</span>
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. 08-29-2003 07:54 PM #39
    sex
    sex is offline
    SB Guru
    Points: 6,882, Level: 35
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 168
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Your bed
    Posts
    659
    Points
    6,882
    Level
    35
    vCash
    500
    Originally posted by SexiSexist@Aug 29 2003, 10:44 AM
    Gudlay... the prostitute
    LMAO Holy shit thats great.
    Everyone must believe in something, I believe i&#39;ll have another drink.
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. 09-02-2003 08:46 AM #40
    rebbie
    rebbie is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 21,055, Level: 63
    Level completed: 32%, Points required for next Level: 445
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Adelaide, Australia
    Posts
    4,327
    Points
    21,055
    Level
    63
    vCash
    500
    Send a message via AIM to rebbie
    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You&#39;re a big girl. If it&#39;s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don&#39;t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    2. Sunday = sports. It&#39;s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    4. Crying is blackmail.

    5. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    6. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That&#39;s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    10. If you won&#39;t dress like the Victoria&#39;s Secret girls, don&#39;t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    11. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing&#39;s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    18. If you ask a question you don&#39;t want an answer to, expect an answer you don&#39;t want to hear.

    19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    20. Don&#39;t ask us what we&#39;re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monstertrucks.

    21. You have enough clothes.

    22. You have too many shoes.

    23. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don&#39;t mind that, it&#39;s like camping.

    HERE COMES THE BABY KILLING TRAIN

    CHHOOOOCHHOOO!!!
    ---------------
    Saint

    Canadian /b/tard
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. 09-02-2003 09:37 AM #41
    True
    True is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 10,625, Level: 44
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 225
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    2,172
    Points
    10,625
    Level
    44
    vCash
    500
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.[/b]
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. 09-02-2003 03:11 PM #42
    Tequesian
    Tequesian is offline
    SB Master
    Points: 16,654, Level: 56
    Level completed: 18%, Points required for next Level: 496
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    4,477
    Points
    16,654
    Level
    56
    vCash
    500
    AWESOME!
    Ayuh, not dead yet. Might change that with an S1000RR though
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. 09-02-2003 04:55 PM #43
    dragonknight
    dragonknight is offline
    SB Veteran
    Points: 23,809, Level: 67
    Level completed: 45%, Points required for next Level: 391
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Washington DC
    Posts
    7,245
    Points
    23,809
    Level
    67
    vCash
    500
    As sad as it sounds most of those hold the ring of truth to me.


    Every man dies, not every man really lives


    Its a dog eat dog world out there and I&#39;m wearing milkbone underwear
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. 09-02-2003 10:04 PM #44
    sex
    sex is offline
    SB Guru
    Points: 6,882, Level: 35
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 168
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points250 Experience Points500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Your bed
    Posts
    659
    Points
    6,882
    Level
    35
    vCash
    500
    I feel you DK, i can also relate.
    Everyone must believe in something, I believe i&#39;ll have another drink.
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. 09-02-2003 10:07 PM #45
    rubytuesday
    rubytuesday is offline
    Sunshine
    Points: 34,524, Level: 81
    Level completed: 56%, Points required for next Level: 376
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points1000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points10000 Experience PointsThree Friends     rubytuesday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Sunny Florida
    Posts
    8,175
    Points
    34,524
    Level
    81
    vCash
    500
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    11. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.[/b]
    I liked this one.
    Your mind can only hold one thought at a time. Make it a positive and constructive one.
    ~ H. Jackson Brown Jr.
    Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 45 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 13 ... LastLast
« As you can see from my name-brand clothing | OP vs 50 Pages of Lulz. »

Similar Threads

  1. Bad Joke
    By Digity in forum Call-out Central
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 04-28-2005, 08:37 PM
  2. When Does a Joke Become a Betrayal?
    By LostNConfused in forum Poor Relationship Relations
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 01-30-2005, 05:05 PM
  3. Joke=Jail
    By Rooster in forum News, Media and Politics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-20-2005, 03:21 AM
  4. [Resolved] MIA: The Big Ass Joke Topic
    By rubytuesday in forum My Stupid-Boy
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-11-2004, 07:48 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Forum Rules

Powered by Website Maintenance Labs

Copyright ©2000 - 2009; Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.5.2