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Thread: Dead Celebrity Jokes

  1. 02-05-2008 09:50 AM #1
    Trionix
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    Okay so Heath Ledger died. Shame, but the best way to deal with grief is to make light of it. In that respect, what are some of the most tasteless jokes you've heard about his passing? And while we're at it, why not throw in some Jeremy Beadle jokes too? Ideally, I'd like this topic to be resurrected whenever a new celebrity dies, with the most tasteless jokes we can muster. T'will be fun.
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Today, critics allegations were confirmed, Heath Ledger is a stiff actor.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    They say he is a good actor but Heath Ledger’s last performance was a little hard to swallow.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Accountants from the new Batman movie are in a state of panic today. Reports indicate they have lost a Ledger.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Heath Ledger?
    Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon… Heath Ledger is dead.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Ladies everywhere have finally found out how to pick up heath ledger ….. with a stretcher.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    What does Jack Nicholson’s potryal of the Joker have that Heath Ledger’s doesn’t.

    A chance for a sequel.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    What’s the worst thing about Heath Ledger’s death?

    He wasn’t black.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile Lost it’s wheel and the Joker…died.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    jeremy beadles lawyer is having difficulty reading his will, apparantly it was written in short hand.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    after the autopsy when asked if jeremy beadle had a big manhood or not the coroner replied, "well on one hand he has but on the other hand he hasn&#39;t"[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    thats a bit harsh. i feel sorry for the guy. life dealt him a shit hand.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Did you know Beadle used to be a boxer?

    His right hook had people on the floor regularly.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    What is the difference between a porn star and a thalidomide ?

    One has a cock like a baby&#39;s arm, the other...[/b]
    Some are awesome, some fairly interchangeable. Your go.

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  2. 02-05-2008 09:59 AM #2
    sprankified
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    don&#39;t really have one... but the day after he died, I was sitting in a night class where we&#39;re all taking turns playing this computer game on the smart board projection screen (game tests your reaction time and how long you can stay in the game)... so one dude is failing miserably at it, getting .02 seconds of gametime, and after several attempts, the class clown in the corner yells "goin all heath are ya, jord?" and a few people turned to look.. and he goes "what.? too early?"

    thought that was funny.
    'Cause I'm that fool that broke the key- I'm unlockable so don't check me- I got weight on my shoulders and things on my mind- The sky is falling and I'm falling behind... No shame in my game just par for the path- I try to hone my craft because at hand's the task- But I find I'm not playing with a full deck- I'm up to my neck like Toulouse Lautrec
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  3. 02-05-2008 11:15 AM #3
    Gosu
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    The Neil Armstrong one isn&#39;t funny, but the rest work for me.
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  4. 02-05-2008 11:30 AM #4
    Brewtality
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    Aww, I&#39;ve been telling one of those Beadle ones for years!!!

    "Apparently, Jeremy Beadle&#39;s got a small dick. But on the other hand it&#39;s quite big...."

    The guitarist from the band I sing for once touched Jeremy Beadle&#39;s little hand which I believe to be quite a worthy claim to fame...maybe.
    The broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds, they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation. For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying. These people know only too well how to use falsehood for the basest purposes... Adolf Hitler
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  5. 02-05-2008 11:35 AM #5
    Trionix
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    Okay, so she&#39;s maybe not dead yet, but she is a celebrity, and some of these jokes are so wrong it&#39;s actually quite beautiful.

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q. What&#39;s the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann?
    A. The Pope died a virgin.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q. What&#39;s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Madeleine McCann jokes?
    A. Madeleine McCann jokes will get old.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q. What&#39;s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Elvis?
    A. More people believe Elvis is still alive.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q. What&#39;s the difference between Madeleine McCann and the Jews?
    A. The Jews have some chance of celebrating this Christmas.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    A new car being launched in Portugal, with space in the boot for a child. It&#39;s called the Renault McCann.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    There once was a young girl called Maddie
    She had such an irresponsible daddy
    Snatched from her bed
    She&#39;s probably dead
    Raped by a Portuguese baddy[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q: What&#39;s worse than asking Michael Jackson to babysit your children?
    A: Asking the McCanns to take them on holiday.[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q: What&#39;s the difference between Madeleine McCann and a toaster
    A: A toaster wasn&#39;t raped and then murdered[/b]
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Q: What do Madeleine McCann and submarines have in common?
    A: Both lie at the bottom of the sea, and are filled with seamen[/b]

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  6. 02-05-2008 12:21 PM #6
    Garrett
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    I&#39;m putting one of those on Madeleine McCann jokes in my MSN personal message, I can&#39;t wait for all the &#39;oh everyone look at me and how shocked and upset I am at this Heath Ledger RIP blah blah&#39; people to freak out at me


    Get the fuck off my board you bitch.
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  7. 02-05-2008 12:39 PM #7
    Brewtality
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    PARENTS DID IT!!!
    The broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds, they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation. For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying. These people know only too well how to use falsehood for the basest purposes... Adolf Hitler
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  8. 02-05-2008 12:54 PM #8
    Trionix
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    <div align="center">






    </div>


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  9. 02-05-2008 01:11 PM #9
    Gosu
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    The Maddie ones are harsh but hilarious.
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  10. 02-05-2008 05:29 PM #10
    ShadowHawk
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    Oh dear. The Mcann jokes.

    I found this one the funniest:



    Its a special kind of sickness.
    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Saint @ Oct 9 2008, 05:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    You can probably set her straight with a GOOD HOT DICKING.
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  11. 02-05-2008 09:17 PM #11
    JessicaLynn
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    I love jokes, but these kind of make me sick.
    Syco- "The Empress is the latter leg of this triad, representing the physical body and the material world. From her comes all the pleasure of the senses and the abundance of life in all its forms. She is also the mother archetype, and through her we get a first glimpse of the power of love in the Tarot." I think this is all representative of awesomly large tits, no?
    Sweet as the Punch.
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  12. 02-05-2008 10:36 PM #12
    Garrett
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    Ok, so one person&#39;s already blocked me because I had one of these as my personal message.

    How high can we go


    Get the fuck off my board you bitch.
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  13. 02-05-2008 10:53 PM #13
    Speed
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    Maybe I&#39;m just going soft, but I don&#39;t find those funny.
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  14. 02-06-2008 01:11 AM #14
    Hella Skinny
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    weak.

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>
    Today, critics allegations were confirmed, Heath Ledger is a stiff actor.[/b]
    this one&#39;s okay.
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  15. 02-06-2008 01:31 AM #15
    Fruity
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    If you like dead celebrity songs you should check out The Eulogy Song by the Chaser
    True beauty is an exchange, not an observation. - Lucid Rog
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