Thread: Feeling emotionless, even during sex

Yeah, when my gf cheated on me I fell out of love with her. You loose a lot of the care you felt when someone hurts you badly enough. After all, you don't give a crap about someone who treats you like shit, right? And if you don't like your friend as more than a friend then of course sex wouldn't be a mind blowing emotional thing, that's what fbuddies are.

I think the key here is the fact that this is all still a fresh hurt. It's normal to mourn a relationship but it won't last forever. Just don't let yourself wallow in it. Consider how long you want her to have power over how you feel and move on.

As for your friend 'with benefits', I hope you'll take that and realize that you have something to offer and someone else will come along when you're ready. Sound trite, I know but it doesn't make it less true.

As for your relationship with your friend 'not changing', don't be so sure. Keep the communications open and honest and above all STAY ALERT. Don't overthink things but be wary of the emotional impact on her. You say "she is very attracted towards me and is perfectly fine with staying just friends". Am I the only one who sees a bit of a contradiction there? That makes me wonder how she'll react when/if you start seeing someone else (and vice versa for that matter) If she's REALLY ok being a shoulder to cry on in the form of a f--- buddy, more power to you! Time will tell. Tread softly - my spidey sense is tingling on this one.

I don't believe you're in the frame of mind to predict where things will go with your friend. I hope it goes how you want but just take things day to day and listen to your instincts.

Dark

I didn't mean to suggest that you were any sort of wreck. It's not hard to guess that she was waiting for her shot at you and frankly who is going to turn down sex with no (apparent) strings?? .

Only you can know the truth of whether the bad relationship or the offer of a new one is what is causing you to wall off your emotions. The answer may take some time in coming but I expect you know that already. Whatever the reason, ride it out. You'll know when it's time to open up again.

At the end of a 6 month relationship, I once asked a girl to marry me for all the wrong reasons (no, she wasn't pregnant). Thankfully, she was more level headed than me at the time and said no but it was close for a while there. It was needless to say, the end of the relationship and I took it pretty hard. It took a while for me to have any desire for any sort of commited relationship and I jumped pretty much anything that moved for a while. A long series of brief encounters and no desire for a relationship or commitment to anyone. When the time was right, the right woman changed that for me.

I can only offer an opinion based on limited information - be honest with your friend about your lack of desire to enter into a relationship. Don't for a second think that it will go as easy as you've suggested and simply stay friends. She may be hoping you'll change how you feel about a relationship with her.

Just my 2 cents (Canadian$)

Sometimes feeling emotionless is a sign that something fucked you up more than you realize. Sometimes it's a self-preservation instinct, because the emotions are so strong it's better to just not feel at all. This can be subconscious. Just saying, I wouldn't be so sure that you're completely over your ex because your lack of emotion would say otherwise. If you were completely fine then you wouldn't be emotionless.