Thread: Virginity

Absolutely it's rubbish. I think a lot of it comes from the Christian background we have. The idea that your first time has to be special goes hand in hand with the idea of staying abstinent until marriage. Now the link between the two may not be as prominent today but I reckon that's where it comes from. Virginity has been synonymous with purity and losing your V to some randomer when you're drunk is seen as impure, when obviously it's not.

It is of course, absolutely ridiculous. If I'd have been a virgin before I had sex with my gf for the first time then I guarentee we wouldn't be together now. If anything, holding out for that 'special someone' is a bad idea because when it comes to you needing to put in a good performance with someone you do really like, you're run the risk of being shit and having no idea what you're doing.

If anything, it's damaging to build up people's expectations of what sex is. Yeah it can be all candles and flowers and romantic music but the chances are that if you're a girl, you're not going to be fucking Enrique Iglesias and you're going to be pretty sore and end up bleeding on your bedsheets. And for a guy you're probably going to be spending the time asking the girl if she's enjoying it whilst trying not to cum right away (probably mixed in with some innapropriate clit hammering you picked up from a porno).

Why not just be honest to people and say, 'Sex is like anything else, you have to practice in order to get good at it'.

I do think sex is not that big of a deal as people (christians, etc) make it out to be, as far as earth shattering romance, whatever. however, when I was in high school I was still pretty brainwashed on the virginity thing (raised christian). I didn't really have too many illusions that I wanted it to be special, wait for 'the one' and do it under God or something, but I did maintain my virginity, mostly because I never had a decent boyfriend and didn't feel like having random sex and adding that stress into my life. I saw other girls get disrespected over and over - they felt like sex would make the guy stick aorund, like them more. Be called a slut. etc. I did mess around a bit with no actual intercourse, which was just about the same thing, but at least I didn't have to worry about abortions and birth control. No one can call you a slut and you wn't get preg if you have the virgin card. And people act like birth control is no big deal, just take the pill, well the hormones in that shit fuck me up. I'm glad I didn't have that stuff to worry about in high school, I was depressed enough as it was.

As a parent, I kind of want my daughter to wait for high school to be over before spreading her legs whenever the mood strikes. I think it takes an adult mind-set to make those choices, especially as a woman where the risk is higher. Maybe a mature teen in a relatively mature relationship = no big deal, but kids are too crazy. sex is not that big of a deal therefore, wait until you're wiser, i say.


EDIT
I forgot to make my point, which is that I think there are merits to not having sex at a young age, which has caused all the hullaballoo about and lying about how special it will be and what a gift it is to bestow on someone - it probably originates out of attempt to control women. Can't have your daughters making babies for you to support, lowering her worth in marriage arrangements. I think it's pretty common that people confess to waiting and then when they do give in, start having sex all over the place. Maybe because they are disillusioned, making up for lost time, or decide that now that they aren't virgins they have no excuse for not being good at sex and need practice.

You notice how the only woman in "history" among religions who cannot be slandered is the virgin Mary.

I think you should be ready for sex but not "ready" in the traditional sense as marriage and stuff. I waited until i was 17 and felt it wasn't a big deal and wasn't intimidated by it. I think that was a good decision on my part because I never got pressured into it and I was totally comfortable with it even though I'd only been dating the guy I lost it to for like a month, and then we broke up shortly after, and I didn't regret it at all.

I think it's kinda weak to pin this on christianity, or religion, the concept of sex and procreation is bigger than that, it's a basic need of any living being, if it wasn't important to a species then that species would be evolutionary flawed. and anything that is fundamentally a big deal is going to make teenagers neurotic.

I was with a girl for over 6 months and we lost our virginity together, it was cool, we were really comfortable with each other and both kinda expected it to be a bit crap, and it was, but seemed pretty good at the time.

I agree people get carried away with the idea, but young adults full of hormones do that a lot, hindsight is always 20/20.

Besides everything mentioned. Sex is a very intimate act. You are letting someone into your body so i can see why you would want it to be special. Anyway I wanted my first time to be special because i was raised with the belief that you should safe it for marriage. Then in college its all about how sexual you are. So the pressure is not for it to be special but for you to just not have it.

Yeah i'm not 'pinning' it on Christianity but religion was the biggest influence on people in the UK for hundreds of years and it's only in the last 100 years that that influence has waned. So of course societal attitudes towards sex are influenced - and in the past have been defined by - religion.

it goes beyond all religions, ever watch ace ventura when nature calls? lol

Originally Posted by True

Sex is a very intimate act.

Meh, "can be" intimate. I've had some girls who just feel like fucking.

To me, sex was (and still isn't) as intimate as other things. I'm always amazed at how some people view sex; they put it up on this ridiculous pedestal, and form their entire lives around getting it or having it be with the right person. Screw all that; sex is fun, especially if you're good at it. People who put sex on a pedestal are, in my experience, much worse at it than more open-minded people.

If it wasn't for religion it wouldn't be an issue. We're glorified animals and sex creates more of us...we're just lucky that it feeeels goood wooo!!

But yeah the bigger you build it up to be in your mind the more disappointed you'll probably be. I just wanted to get rid of it...but I did it with a gentle person I had crushed on for years and it was awesome haha.

Originally Posted by Syco

If it wasn't for religion it wouldn't be an issue.

blatently not, it's a way bigger issue to animals than it is to us. it's fun because evolution really REALLY wants us to fuck, and that's why it's a big issue.

does anyone actually know anyone religious who thinks like this about virginity? i can only really base this on people from stupid-boy, but they generally seem a lot more relaxed about it than other people.

i'm certainly not one to defend religion, but this all seems a bit arbitrary, have either of you considered why religions make such an issue of it in the first place?

hmm i think your all missing the main reason people wait is cause the feel that there is one person out there who they are going to fall in love with and be with the rest of there lives, i guess you could call them stupid for that belief but its up to them and not you so when you think like is it a big deal or it isnt a big deal it really just depends on the person. its like saying man whats the big deal with you and parachutting it feels great.. well maybe it does but im just waiting for my perfect day for it and its my choice when i wanna do it or maybe i wont do it at all.

thats how i feel about sex in general ya its a good feeling but im not going to tell anyone to wait or not to wait its up to them its not my pecker they are messing with.

on the other hand the loss of it... well in many cases im pretty sure the virgin is taken avantage of or lied to by there partner i mean most virgins who wait dont just go out and fuck someone its usually someone they have pretty deep feelings for or at least like enough to want to have a long relationship with then the person who took it just dumps them after they got it ya know?

I like the parachuting analogy. I feel like a lot of people in this thread seem to think that waiting to have sex is a sign of being naive or buying into religious propaganda or just being weird, rather than someone's personal and freely-chosen choice. If having lots of random sex isn't a big deal, then why is waiting a big deal? If having lots of random sex is okay, why isn't waiting okay? Waiting isn't wrong any more than going out and having sex at age 16 is wrong. It's just different. As long as you're doing what's right for you and what you want to do, then it's right for you. And nobody else has the right to judge that. I don't judge people who have sex every night and call them 'loose.' I'd like it if people didn't judge me and imply that my way of thinking is 'rubbish' just because they don't share it. That's bullshit.

I just had a friend try to convince me to fool around with a different friend because I'm 20 and have never had sex and she thinks it's because I'm a closed-in prude who needs to 'relax' and 'have fun,' and I should fool around because I'm young and it's what I'm 'supposed' to do. I was offended. Maybe my idea of fun is different from yours, and maybe I do want to wait to have sex with someone I actually feel comfortable with instead of losing it for the sake of getting it over with and then feeling incredibly uncomfortable the whole time and hating it. That's my decision, and just because it's different from the majority doesn't make it wrong, pitiable, or stunted. It's my choice. What's with all the fucking judgement?

And by the way, I'm an atheist, so this has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with not allowing peer pressure to make me have sex when I'm not ready.