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Reply With QuoteI don't mean this facetiously, even if it may sound that way. Try a blindfold on her if she's willing to try something 'adventurous'. She might find it highly freeing.
Awards:
So I'm seeing this girl, who's gorgeous. Like absolutely stunning, her body is pretty much perfect (in my opinion, probably too thin for some tastes), but she's insecure about it to the point that when we get it on, she'd rather be under the sheets. She holds me close so I can't look at her tits, and (get this), she made me close my eyes when I went down on her.
My theory on this is that she sees herself as attractive on top of her clothes, but not underneath. I think she has a distorted body image, and she is worried that if I see her naked, I will lose interest. Or maybe, because this is all quite new, she doesn't want to give me everything too quickly.
Thoughts?
I don't mean this facetiously, even if it may sound that way. Try a blindfold on her if she's willing to try something 'adventurous'. She might find it highly freeing.
Your mind can only hold one thought at a time. Make it a positive and constructive one.
~ H. Jackson Brown Jr.
I have a friend who is paranoid about being seen naked. She's had quite a few sexual partners, but she will either only have sex in the dark, or with all her clothes on. Personally I think it is quite sad that people choose to be intimate with someone they don't even trust to be naked in front of.
I think its sad that so many beautiful women think so little of themselves. But its probably because of people in their past. I remember i once worked with this girl who was super hot, and once she was eating a sandwich and her boyfriend came along and said "you should only eat half of that so you don't get any fatter". If you've put up with comments like that too often, you probably can't help but feel bad about how you look.
True beauty is an exchange, not an observation. - Lucid Rog
Tell her to see an Educational Kineseologist. I'm only one session in and I've already had a lot of emotional bullshit removed. Had my shoulders and hips put back in (didn't know they were out hah) and my body FEELS better!! Body confidence without egotism, hello!!!
Sweet as the Punch.Syco- "The Empress is the latter leg of this triad, representing the physical body and the material world. From her comes all the pleasure of the senses and the abundance of life in all its forms. She is also the mother archetype, and through her we get a first glimpse of the power of love in the Tarot." I think this is all representative of awesomly large tits, no?
Even with your eyes closed and held close to her body you would be able to feel how she looks. I don't get her thinking !!even if you can't see her in the light you can feel her .
Awards: Ruby, the relationship's quite new, so I don't really want to be bringing anything like that into it just yet but thanks anyway you sordid little deviant.I was thinking about it though, and I think it could go one of two ways, like surely I'd want to be encouraging the use of sight as much as possible, making her feel comfortable with it? And if I were the one wearing the blindfold... well I'm not sure how well I'd perform to be fair. Never actually tried it. Food for thought though!
Fruity, I'm thinking it is something to do with her past. She had a really abusive relationship before me and she started getting it on, so I think it's a case of working through the issues that were created by that.
Syco, thanks but I've never heard of one of them, and after having just looked it up, I think maybe giving her a massage might work just as well. That's a point actually, I'm so going to give her a massage next time I see her.
Satisfied, I know, it's crazy right? She's got no problem with me having my hands all over her, but as soon as it's my eyes or my mouth, she freezes up. Doing it in the dark could be a good start though. Or maybe I should work out the exact time at which the sun starts to shine through my bedroom window, and start getting her naked 20 minutes before, so that by the time she's really into it, she'll barely even have noticed the light gradually increasing around her! Could be a winning plan.
Mate, it sounds like you're being really considerate of what she has to say, want to be supportive, and seem willing to give her the time to work this through at her own pace whislt giving her the occasional push.
It sounds a lot like you are exactly what she needs.
as an aside. when you have a chance, blindfolds are a lot of fun
Last edited by Atom' Package; 03-26-2010 at 06:23 PM.
close your eyes while going down on her? if you start getting sores forming around your mouth, you now know!
When it comes to pink butterflies i could give a flying fuck.
Fuckin hell, why does Atom have to be such a nice guy?
"You're a ****" etc...
Is this the same girl you were talking about the other week? She doesn't sound particularly vain but of course people can use things like vanity to mask their lack of confidence *cough* totally unlike overweight guys and humour *cough cough*.
Anyway, I think this needs some sort of up-front confrontation, but only when you've both reached a comfortable place. I suppose you need to 'play along' for the time being before you can say, 'look, this is ridiculous, you're beautiful and I think you're absolutely gorgeous so don't worrry, I'll be infatuated with every part of your body whether you like it or not'.
The broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds, they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation. For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying. These people know only too well how to use falsehood for the basest purposes... Adolf Hitler
Though if you move slowly and gradually, I find girls get over things. It's just kinda annoying til they do.
I was a bit drunk, I'm fucking horrible when i'm sober.Originally Posted by Brewtality
Awards: Yeah, cheers Atom. This is by no means a selfless task, but sure I'm willing to work through it.
Yeah Brew, same girl. She is massively fucking vain, she wears ridiculous amounts of makeup, and I think that maybe the reason she's not happy with her body image is because she doesn't have the same level of control over how it looks as she does with her face, or in tight clothes. And yeah, I think it is to over compensate for her lack of confidence.
Plus, I think she thinks I'm going to scarper, so it's taking her a while to open up to me. And it's hard, because I can't promise that I'm not going to.
Yeah Gosu, I think that's going to be the way. Any sudden moves and she hides straight away.
If yu dont ever see her naked, won't yu lose interest??
"There are exceptions to every rule, and everyone wants to think they are it."
"I know Ill never meet God, but yu [dpuck] are the next best thing." Rubytuesday.
"If yu can drink ram's piss, fuck it, yu can drink anything."
That is so weird. I started to get rid of my distorted body image when I became sexually active. Too bad it doesn't work like that for everyone
if truth were an ocean, would it fit in the pool of a human mind?
- The Corrs
WTF = Welcome To Finland
Thats a tough one, because of course you want to tell her she is stunning, you like her body, and all that. Thing is, you can pay her compliments all day long and it still is not going to help HER see that she is beautiful, granted it may give her a boost momentarily, but in the long run she has to be the one who realizes that she is sexy. That can take a long time, building confidence when you are that insecure can be a full time jov. And it may never happen, no matter how supportive you are.
I think you are doing the right thing though. Giving her some time, and trying to make her feel comfortable. That is all you can really do, only time will tell if she is going to be able to feel good about herself because she is ready and believes it. I think Brew is right, eventually if it goes on you may want to talk to her about it... but you deff need to wait until you guys are at a point where youve exhuasted all your options and you two are comfortable discussing subjects like that (because it can be a touchy subject!).
I hope it works out. Hopefully giving her some time to work through it and taking it slowly is all she needs.
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