Hiya folks, I haven't posted here in ages, but I realised I was turning into a vegetable cos I wasn't thinking and writing enough. Time to de-vegetise!
x
PR.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
(A note to men, and lesbians - where you see the word 'man', just replace it with the word 'woman' - I didn't really write this from that angle I'm afraid, so that's the best I can do. However I reckon you'll be able to relate to some of the themes - just think laterally! Cheers)
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ah, sweet addiction. What's more addictive than cigarettes, chocolate, alcohol, or drugs? Men! Forget heroin, try the man addiction - it's stronger, harder, and more dramatic than that needle using habit. The great thing is that it's virtually free, and can be contained entirely inside your head (with the exception of the stalkers out there who take the addiction a little too far).

We don't even need to have gone out with the man to be addicted to him. He could be the guy who serves us at the cafe every morning, or the voice of the DJ on the radio station. You see it all starts with a small interaction, this one instance of contact will start something quite strange - it is the catalyst that starts the addiction. It may be a conversation, a one-night stand, a simple 'hello', a look across a crowded room, or even just a nod. Something this small can start an addiction that is harder to get off than crack.

So, a warning to those players out there who think they can go around giving chicks 'the eye' without repercussions! You very well may have sparked addictions in poor unsuspecting women, who are at this very moment pining over that one idyllic image they have of you.

Sometimes this interaction leads somewhere, a relationship can form, and this is what we call a healthy addiction. You are allowed to be addicted to the man you are dating, or married to. But more often than not this interaction will never lead anywhere, yet we find ourselves glued helplessly to the notion of this man. It is only a notion; from the catalyst we build a fantasy future full of ideal scenarios, and masochistically keep the image of this man alive in our heads. Some people say we are just suckers for punishment, this is true. However we are talking about an addiction here - you try weaning yourself off the 'Jim' and then tell me it isn't hard to give a man up!

There are degrees of addiction. Pisces and Virgo women for instance are far more prone to 'man-addiction' than the other signs. Some women are able to get over an addiction in a matter of days; others may be laid up for months. You also have to factor in the initial contact - for example if a date was had (and no further contact made), then the ensuing addiction would be greater than if the initial catalyst was simply a smile across a crowded room. The intensity of addiction is directly proportional to the probability of further attention from the man in question. If there is hope that more attention will follow, the addiction will be stronger.

The thing is, men are bastards - they 'put out' just the once, then fail to explain this to the chick. Therefore she is left hanging, hopelessly addicted to a man that doesn't even know it. Do you males even realise how addicted to you we are?

Yes, yes, it's lame and pathetic, but think about it - being addicted to a man is far less harmful than being addicted to smack, so give us a break!

Addiction can be fun, but it's like a new toy - for the first while you are too busy enjoying it to notice that you are neglecting your other responsibilities. All too often a 'man-addiction' can interfere with the rest of your life.

So, what makes us so prone to this addiction? Is it genetic? Is it a message that we are getting in the media? I don't think it's either, I reckon it is simply that emotional child within us that holds on to the notion of hope. We are forever hopeful, often frustratingly so. Throughout our life we will hold onto this eidolon, through thick and thin this image of the ideal will stay in the back of minds. There is one problem here - if we think we know what our ideal is, then anything less will always be a disappointment.

It is the same as any addiction; it fosters an unnatural high that cannot be sustained under normal circumstances. So when these normal circumstances come round and bite you on the arse, the disappointment of coming down off that high is often devastating. Although very rarely can we show this disappointment, as the reason behind it is rather unfortunate.

To escape the current addiction we are either dragged or dropped, usually our friends will verbally slap us into contrition, or we will shift our addiction to another man, or a hobby! The act of volition, the will to release this divine addiction is often beyond us. Women have the will, but often not the capacity to choose, because that ideal image is haunting us, burned solid into the back of our minds forever, or until our ideals change.

Darling men, you are the Jim Beam of the human race, why do you think they give alcohol male names - because someone out there has clicked about your addictive powers! Did you know that we are all born with free and immediate access to the MAA (Men Addicts Anonymous)? This organisation has been rehabilitating women back into society for centuries. More recently the MAA has worked under the guise of companies such as Avon, Amway, Neutrometics, and Jennifer Paige, as the stigma of man-addiction has become too negative to risk exposure.

Some may think that this addiction is a sign of weak character, but the only people who think that are men. Really guys - think about it, we are addicted to you - is that not the biggest compliment on Earth? But we sure as hell won't let it go to your head - no doubt if you start boasting about it we will just use our chicks prerogative and, quite contrary to our usual behaviour, change what we are addicted to.

The fact that you now know we are addicted to you, and that you will no doubt get cocky about it shortly, could be the very thing we needed to kick the habit! You are about to do us a big favour - so cheers boys!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please excuse the mass amounts of sarcasm and 'piss-taking' in this article... I'm a kiwi, I can't help it.

xxx
PR.