Thread: Suicide, Drugs and Leaving : the affects

Another article about suicide, I should imagine you are thinking right now. But to tell you the truth... this may have something a little different to offer

I've known my boyfriend for about a year and a half and he's a fantastic person. But the incredible change I have seen in him since I first met him has been a concern for me for quite sometime, so I'm going to write about it.

He hasn't had a great life, his dad left when he was about 6 months old, then his abusive step dad left about 2 years ago. Neither of the men were much of parents to him although he did grow very close to both, they didn't realize what effect they would have on others, but fortunately he had an uncle whom he looked up to as a fatherly figure. His uncle, John, was a nice guy but he had his problems as well. He had a heavy drug dependency, from what I understand was on heroin, and he was also doing other drugs, as well as having an alcohol problem. It started when John was young, he just got in with the wrong crowd. And he stayed there. Some people get in there and get out, some people stay in there, John was one of those people. John was in rehab several times. He'd be so close to being clean. He would try so hard. But one slip and he'd be back where he started again.

From what I understand my boyfriend was never aware of his problems until a short time before his death. He always looked up to him as Uncle John, his pal. They'd hang out together, race remote control cars and just have fun. John was like a kid, he just wanted to have fun. John was my boyfriends saving grace, he kept his mind off both his dads.

2-3 years before John's death his partner Ellissa had their first child Nikki. Now, she's a sweet little 3 year old who is wondering where Daddy is.

In October last year, John hung himself. He wrote 2 Suicide letters, one to his daughter and one to his partner. The coroner would not return them to my boyfriends grieving family until about 7-8 months after the death. They only just recently got the results of the coroners report, informing them that John was not under the influence of drugs at the time of his death. That "beautiful night" (as he put it in one of his letters) that he hung himself he was in his right mind. He had exhausted all avenues and had felt that this was the only way out, perhaps to protect his loved ones from what he might do in the future. My boyfriend told me once he had a fight with Ellissa that night or the day previously and that was one of the contributing causes. I remember when my boyfriend found out. He was out with a group of friends, he didn't go home. He was quiet for the rest of the day, only commenting on how great his uncle was.

He has told me that his body didn't really believe that John was gone until the funeral. He was hysterical to say the least.

In many ways, I feel that John's death was the last straw for my boyfriend's self esteem. He is no longer the overly confident guy I once knew. He gets close to people, but is afraid they will leave him. He tells me his biggest fear is that I will leave him, just like anyone else he has ever become close to him has. He has burst into tears once whilst talking about future plans because he can't stop think about his uncle, and how much he would have liked me, and how much I remind him of his uncle's partner. He has been suicidal himself. He's emotionally unstable. His mother is the same. The amount of stress and weight that woman has had to carry on her shoulders is unbelievable. She is an incredibly strong woman who really does stand up for her rights.

John's daughter, Nikki, will probably never remember her father. Now she and her mother live in difficult conditions. Bringing up a child with no financial stability and the grief of losing a love is truly one of the hardest challenges any man or woman will ever face.

I don't believe anyone can define suicide. It is a selfless yet selfish act. It contradicts itself. I do believe one thing though. There is always an answer other than suicide. It is never, ever the answer in this sort of situation. You can destroy lives other than your own, whilst perhaps even trying to protect them.

I don't even think that my boyfriend knows himself anymore....

a drug addiction "is" a mental disorder on its own. Drugs such as heroin make a person depressed, and its a shitty cycle because people usually get into drugs because they feel depressed; so the drugs are a source of excapism. I know this from personal experience.
your boyfreind is in a bad situation, but its up to him to get out. Be there for him and make him feel strong and suggest that he gets some councelling. infact, urge him to.