(If you don’t feel like reading the background info you can just scroll down to the question at the end- you might just not understand everything as well)
Ok so first a little (ok maybe allot) of background information:
-I dated this guy for three years (the first one I had sex with and the first guy I’ve ever dated).
-After about two years, college came around and we decided to break up before we went our separate ways but after some months in our new schools we realized we still really loved each other and got back together.
-After some amazing time together Richard (my guy) started getting really serious and talking about getting married after college. At first I was happily daydreaming along with him but then I realized that I had never dated anyone else and I wasn’t sure if being with him for the next 3 years, plus the rest of my life, was a decision I could make without knowing what other guys are like and never have really experienced being single for very long either.
-So we went on a break/broke up a little later because it was the only way we could really feel free to go out there and get some new experiences.
-Well the break worked for me, I dated some good guys and some bad ones and just spent some time growing and being single and now I realize I do love him for who he is and I really want him back.
-But I had a head start on the growing thing because it took him awhile to let go of me and I was the one to break it off.
A month ago Richard came to visit me at my school and we acted like a couple again- going to movies and sleeping together ect. (This is how we’ve usually acted whenever we break up because we never really let go of each other) and the last day I brought up wanting to maybe start things up again. But then he explained to me that he realized that this up coming summer will be the first he’s had in a long time being single and he feels he wants to experience that. Although it hurt I understand because I needed my time and now he deserves his. Although, because we’re broken up there’s no guarantee we’re ever going to get back together and of coarse this crushes and scares me because I truly love him and really want to make it work.
So here’s the question:
I’m going home (where we both live) for the summer in a week. He’s been there already for a month because he got out earlier. Recently he’s been texting me saying he is really excited to see me and while emphasizing that it is up to me, he would really like to kiss me which lead to also wanting to have sex ect. We’ve never had sex with anyone else and we don’t unless it’s someone we’ve dated a for a least a year (which obviously hasn’t happened yet) so I suspect a big part of him wanting to hook up with me is because I’m the only one he is willing to have sex with. But I also know there’s lingering feelings there as well, even if he doesn’t want a relationship right now (as he’s explained it’s not that he doesn’t want to date ME its that he doesn’t want to date anyone right now). In the past I’ve given in to this because hey, I’m horny and wanted sex too (still do) which has been fine because we always ended up back together. But now I’m rethinking my strategy.
I want him to consider getting back together with me so with that goal in mind I’m wondering if it would be better to go ahead and hook up with him this summer or if for the first time I should resist.
Guys-, which would be more incentive to take a girl back?
Would hooking up with someone you still have feelings for bring you to get back with her?
Or would the deprivation of having her both physically and relationship wise be even better?
Thanks for reading that I know it was REDICULOUSLY LONG
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return...
He's going to know it's a ploy. The question in his mind is going to be,why are you not doing what you've always done. Then he remembers ahh ha. She just asked me to get back togather and I told her I want to be single for the summer.
It's up to you whether you want to hook up or not. Just don't be under the impression that he wont see through exactly what you are doing with a 180 in behavior.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div>[If you can't join them, beat them.]
Was the sex good?
"heroin - works every time!"
- Rebbie, Australian Prostitute
Now before I give my opinion I want to make this clear.
I AM NO EXPERT. IF YOU TAKE MY ADVICE AND IT FUCKS UP YOUR LIFE I AM NOT TO BLAME!
Now, that considered this is what I would think in your situation.
The guy you've been with was with you for a long damn time. 3 years is long. On top of this you've been together on and off for years since. He clearly loves you, this isn't the issue. The issue may simply be self-esteem. He wanted to marry you and you were not ready, not your fault so don't feel bad about this. You needed to know your true feelings for him and it's good that you do now. Unfortunately this probably came as a blow to him, you where together for years yet you where still unsure when he was so sure about everything, it's put his mind into doubt. He needs time and affection. He needs to know that you are there for him and that you are sure but it's not going to be that simple.
My advice is this.
Spend time with him, go out together, "date" as it where but do not see eachother exclusively. Have sex if you want but it may complicate things a little. Wait. This is the key. Wait a few months just doing this. Make sure he is happy around you but be careful not to smother him, clingy girls are a big turn-off for any relationship. Then talk to him, tell him your feeling and how you need this to be a perminant thing. You want him to be with you always.
This should make him feel important, special to you. It will make him feel to you how you felt to him when you where first talking about marriage. This should bring him back, it'll make him feel something few guys like to admit they need. It'll make him feel wanted.
I hope this has helped.
Do exactly what you two always do with each other. You'll probably end up back together. If that doesn't happen by the end of the summer and you're still friends, just explain your feelings to him.
"Hic puer est stultissimus omnium."
From what I remember, you are hot and he looks like a douche... do whatever you want, you're the better half of that pair anyway.
2:05 AM [Lothar] kinda like beef stew but they use guinness
2:05 AM [Greaser] and it gets your dick hard?
2:05 AM [Lothar] yeah, it's that good
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