Thread: Best friend moving in with girlfriend...

Yeah I still think that's bullshit and very clearly based on outdated values and understandings of what "respect" is. Boundaries are pretty straightforward in any relationship: don't have sex with other people.

There's also absolutely nothing wrong with having your cake and eating it too. There's no reason you have to be "lonlier" in a relationship than out of it. Sure you'll spend a lot of time with your partner and therefore less with your friends, but you still need to keep the other parts of your lives intact, and that means spending time with your friends, regardless of what gender they are. Otherwise you're going to damage or lose those friendships and you'll be much less happy in the long run. Then it will hurt your relationship. Funny how that works out.

My best friend and I have been each other's best friend for more than three years now, through a string of bfs anf gfs on each side (hers last considerably longer than mine, but that's just how it goes) and there's never been the slightest issue. In fact the boys tend to call me for insight if she starts acting weird.

Good friends shouldn't be disposable commodities you just throw away or ignore when something else comes along.

so you like being the emotional tampon for your best friend's boyfriend? well for most people theres something other than just sex theres emotional support if you're providing your best friend the majority of emotional support and not your significant other you're already having an affair and to some an emotional affair is far worse than a sexual affair because anyone can have sex but few can have a stronger tie through other means, is it worth all the drama? is it worth boycotting yourself something you could possibly have in the future? i mean don't you have to love yourself first before you can love another? i mean you may come off as a very giving generous person and thats an admirable trait, but if you constantly put other before you you're bound to get the short end of the stick in life

does your significant other deserve the best of emotional and physical support? is that how you would want to be treated for your self?

you're only bullshitting yourself if you wanted a women to give you all the sexing and none of the loving and if you cant get or give 100% then whats the point of being in a relationship anyways?

IMO.. if someone feels insecure, it's not always because they're just generally an insecure person. Sometimes you feel insecure because your SO is doing things that make you feel insecure, and at that point, it's not your fault for not being strong and confident enough to say 'fuck it,' it's their fault for not inspiring trust.

I don't think that being in a relationship should suddenly mean that you give up all your friendships and stuff; outside friendships [usually] make a relationship stronger and less likely to implode. If 100% of you is focused solely on your SO, that is an unhealthy situation for both of you. Not least because if something goes wrong, suddenly you're utterly alone in the world because you pushed away all your friends.

But at the same time, if something is bothering your SO, you have a responsibility to at the very least listen to them and take it into account and try to help them in some way instead of invalidating their feelings with a "well if you feel insecure, that's your problem, not mine. You should just trust me more. I'm not going to change shit, deal with it." Um, no.

I think there is more to a boundary in a relationship than "don't have sex with someone else". Its also about how you talk to them, what you talk about. There are some things in a relationship that you probably shouldn't run off and talk to other people about. I think that would be crossing a boundary as well.

There is also an issue that plenty of people can have sex with someone they aren't attracted to. I've had sex with people i'm not attracted to. you can tell me a million times you aren't attracted to someone but it doesn't fully convince me that you won't sleep with them if the opportunity arises. NOt that i think you would do this, Ester.

What about in a situation where you did become sexually attracted to a friend? Like, they lost some weight, or got a boob job, and then all of a sudden you are attracted to them?

One of my best male friends is utterly gorgeous. I don't think i could honestly say that i'm not attracted to him.

Originally Posted by Fruity

I think there is more to a boundary in a relationship than "don't have sex with someone else". Its also about how you talk to them, what you talk about. There are some things in a relationship that you probably shouldn't run off and talk to other people about. I think that would be crossing a boundary as well.

Definitely.

heeh, i dont see the big deal with it as long as you dont try to move into the pad with both of them there. it sounds to me like your life will get alot more simple with them moving intogether.

good luck and remember that you have to bring 2 house warming presants to the house party

Originally Posted by Like2spray

IMO, it's not an insecurity thing, it's called respect. One does not, if they're committed to their partner, put themselves in any situation that's going to cast doubts on their fidelity.

Originally Posted by Fruity

I find it interesting that you say you 'chose' your girlfriend over your friend. Because that's kinda saying that your friend was an option.

agreezorz

did the girls know eachother before either of them met you? i'm fuzzy on that.

I'd be cool with it. Especially if your sister thinks it's fine. I'd be thrilled if my bf moved in with my best guy friend.

I also want to add that the whole "don't be friends with the opposite sex" stuff is bullshit. Wouldn't that render all the bisexuals friendsless?

Edit:
Also, I have a lot of male friends whom Markus doesn't mind. I go out with them. They come over. Markus is cool with it. And I love him for it!

Well, lest any of you forget, I've been tempted before, and danced along that line, but I'm still the only virgin on here except for Speed (assuming).

Considering how rare this seems to be, it might give you a better perspective on the situation.
My last gf was not, but my current girlfriend is.
Dont ask how I know, you just can’t fake this type of innocence.

So I dont think the boundary with us is, 'dont have sex', since we both know each other well enough to be sure that's not going to happen.

It's simple things like flirting, hugging, especially kissing.
Those are boundaries with other people that we don’t cross.
I got Ashley a Christmas present last year, she's didn’t get one this time.
Ashley knows why.
Stuff like that.
It’s not like I was single last Christmas, but I know this is something that would possibly bother Marie, so I didn’t.
Did matter that my gf last year didn’t mind, I don’t really compare them in that way.

I also don’t wanna turn into the friend that falls off the face of the earth for those 3-9 months they’re dating someone though.
I’ve had friends that get clingy, insecure, high maintenance girlfriends and we never hear anything from them until they finally come to us complaining about the bitch and how bad the break up was, etc.

We’ve been distant but I’m still not gonna shut Ashley out completely just because I’m dating someone.
Problem is, if they move in together, we wont have much control over “backing off”.

Originally Posted by sprankified

did the girls know eachother before either of them met you? i'm fuzzy on that.

Here’s how it happened.
Ashley and I had planned a trip to go tubing on the river last May, a ton of our friends were coming.
Marie knew my sister first, so my sister invited her and it was the first time Marie had met any of us.
After that Marie became friends with my sister and Ashley, but I never really talked to her until August when I saw she was a pool shark. Heh.
So yes, she was friends with Ashley first though we both technically met her the same day.
But... I was friends with Ashley before Marie was.

You don't hug your friends? That's pretty sad.

wouldn't it be a good thing to be able to spend time with them together?

Originally Posted by Gosu

You don't hug your friends? That's pretty sad.

I never have, just family and SO's.

It's a hello/goodbye thing over here. Odd.