Thread: Best friend moving in with girlfriend...

Originally Posted by Gosu

It's a hello/goodbye thing over here. Odd.

It is? I rarely hug my friends hello/goodbye. I know one couple who i hug hello/goodbye, and that only started when they got married. I never hugged her before she was with her husband. he's a hugger, so now she's a hugger. But that's it that i can think of. Hugging is usually saved for special occasions, or crying

Heh, well it's not like I push people off me.
I think we may need to clarify 'hug'...

I really hate posting from work.This crap IE program screws up the formatting, bad.

So Ashley just got a boyfriend.
Hopefully that throws a monkey wrench in thier little roommate plan...

Wouldn't that just make it better?

Maybe she'll want to move out with him instead?
Wishful thinking, I dont know.
I hate only being able to just wait and see how things will play out when they affect me.

If she's got her own boy, then no one will be worried about her messing around with you. Everyone wins.

im sure if i had a girlfriend and i was about to get an apartment...i would still get one cause that means i dont have to sneak around mom n dad... and its stupid to move in with a guy you just met so im pretty sure shes moving in with your gf still hhaa hope you have a good time hanging out at ur gf's apartment knowing your best friends getting banged in the next room :P

I honestly can't see what's your problem here. Things are looking good for you, especially since Ashley got herself a boyfriend.

Well they talked this weekend and Ashley's moving in by the end of the month.
They already started joking around making rules like only 'romantic comedies' allowed in the DVD player, etc.

I guess we'll see if this is really a good thing or not...

Yeah, so... this actually did happen, just before the end of January.
They moved in together and it was fine.

Ashley has her boy[toy], lets call him Chad.
I say boytoy because Ashley doesn’t seem as serious as he is, and he’s also only 20 while Ashley is 22, Marie is 24 and I’m 25.
She seems to just like “being liked”.

Marie owns the condo and isn’t stingy on rules, Ashley and Marie have been getting along fine as roommates and friends, and I also know Ashley’s boyfriend from our mutual group of friends.
The thing is, I did feel like I had been neglecting my friendship with Ashley before she started dating Chad.
Then about a month after she got her boyfriend also, we realized we’d never see each other again if we weren’t deliberate about it.
We looked at our schedules and found that we could hang out once every two weekends from 11pm when Ashley’s off work until 2am when the bar or venue kicks us out.
Something we always used to do before either SO was in the picture.
So we scheduled it and informed both our SO’s that this was going to happen; that Ashley and I would hang out one night every two weeks.
Both Marie and Chad seemed fine with it.

Marie more so than Chad, it seems...
Marie had the opportunity to know both me and Ashley before I dated her.
She saw us be friends and she also saw me choose her OVER Ashley when I had the choice between them both.
Chad never saw that.
He seems to be insecure and for all he knows, Ashley likes me and only settled for him since I was already dating Marie when Ashley and Chad met.

Ashley and I had a strange hang out night this past weekend.
We hung out at Marie’s condo in the living room while she was asleep in the other room.
Because neither of us were tired, and had a lot to talk about from the previous two weeks of our lives, we were up talking and laughing from 12am until 7am.
Not out of the ordinary for us as friends, very awkward for Marie and Chad.

Marie got annoyed with Ashley when Ashley told her the next day.
I talked to Marie that night when we went to a concert and she’s OK with it, though its still weird for her.

Chad seems to be having an issue and had expressed concerns to Ashley.
Saying things like, “its weird you guys hang out at night”, and “what about when/if we get engaged or married?”
This puts me and Ashley in a strange position also.
We honestly don’t know what to do.
My last ex had a guy best friend and she actually moved in with him.
I knew and trusted her, and nothing happened.
I wasn’t insecure and I considered myself superior to him and it didn’t make sense why she would try anything with him while she had me.
Chad seems to be more insecure about my friendship with his gf, and it’s understandable.
But…
Ashley had said hanging out with me is like hanging out with her older brother (we act like big brother/little sister when we hang out).
She agreed that we shouldn’t hang out late at night if either of us gets engaged/married, but said that Ashley and I were still gonna hang out somehow, like go for coffee or lunch every so often.
Chad said that still might not be OK with him.
Yeah… red flag for Ashley.

Then I get a random text at 2am from Marie a few nights later that says, “Am I your best friend too?”
Marie was asking if she was my best friend also in the same way Ashley was.
Red flag up for me also.


It’s like due to their insecurities, neither of our SO’s will be OK with our friendship and like this road is leading us both to have to choose between them or the friendship.
And in all my experience, friendships last longer than relationships unless it leads to marriage.
Then, even still…
Luckily for me, Marie knows my family well; most importantly my sister that I live with that she was friends with before she even knew me.
My sister has been able to attest on my behalf exactly what my friendship with Ashley is like since my sister saw it develop.
Ultimately, I’m sure Marie with be OK with it, even if we got married, but it will always be weird for her.
She knows in her head that nothing is going on and that she can trust her roommate and her boyfriend, but she cant accept it in her heart.
I know this and I see her struggling with it, and it sucks.
I don’t want that for her.

I feel like I’m dong something wrong, or.. I don’t know.
Am I not allowed to have friends that are girls?
Am I not allowed to hang out one on one with them?

Either of us could just tell them, “We’re just friends, find a way to deal with it or walk.”, but somehow that doesn’t seem like the right approach.
I can see where Marie is coming from, and I want to be understanding and sensitive to her about this, but I don’t think this is something I should have to give up.

Cliffs:
My best friend is a girl and our own boyfriend/girlfriend is insecure and jealous that we are friends and hang out one on one.

This is all Tiger Woods fault.
FML.

That's some serious bullshit. Your respective partners need to harden the fuck up.

Wow I just read this entire thing and Ester, dude, I feel for you once again! Y'know, there's practically nothing you can do about it though which makes it so much more of a pain in the arse.

I'm assuming that you've sat down and discussed this with your lady and you've told her that it's a matter of trust. I mean dude, I've never met you but even I know that you can 100% be trusted here!

My girlfriend has way more guy friends than girl friends, especially friends from university, and even though TWO of those guys have professed their undying love for her (because she's freakin' AMAZING) I still don't get worried when she gets a new friend who happens to be a guy. Because I trust her wholeheartedly. But then I'm not reeeally the jealous type so maybe it's just in the personalities of your and Ashley's SO's to be a bit insecure about these things.

If it'll help you at all I can write you a reference. Everybody knows how valuable references from overseas internet guys can be....