Thread: No Love for Me

you should definitely learn to love yourself it comes in pretty handy!

that's aerosmith. come full circle.
part of not loving yourself could stem from not respecting yourself. can you honestly say that you respect yourself?

even on the boards here in internet land, you don't have a lot of people's respect... many people have pegged you as a self centered troll (myself included) so i wonder if you have the respect of your peers in real life, and if not, how can you in turn respect the person you are?


do you do things that you're proud of, and that other people notice? i mean besides being an "artist" or whathaveyou, do you partake in meaninful activities that aren't based soley on yourself?
what do you contribute to society that doesn't point the spotlight back at you?
for example, you post your poetry/art and your modelling pictures. cool, we're glad that you're creative in your way. glad you're happy in your relationship. but what else do you do that you care about?

i think that doing things completely outside of yourself would probably help this feeling of self loathing you have.

you seem to be really REACTIVE when you're criticized for something in the historically negative manner that the community here gives. you're called out on a lot of your one-upmanship. and it's not like nobody else does that... but it comes across like that's all you care about.

so why don't you take this time and energy you spend dwelling on your mental state, and do something proactive?

you're into art. so maybe do like i did and volunteer your time with old folks... or pick up trash on the side of the road... or offer to clean your neighbors house...

i dunno. i think you should take yourself outside of yourself.

Thanks for the posts, both of you.

The weird thing is, I seem to have the respect of my peers - I have more friends than I can count. Some better than others. But it isn't enough to make me respect myself. It seems that nothing is, and I don't want anything that's outside me make me respect myself - it would just be a quick fix, and I don't do those anymore.

I'm in high school currently, studying psychology. When I get my high school diploma I intend to go to university and study to become a psychologist, if I get in.

I have this goddaughter in Africa, that's how I contribute. I send 25 euros each month to help her. I'd send more, but I'm poor. I don't see how that turns the spotlight to me - unless you count the letter I got from her the spotlight.

But still. Even though I have a lot of distractions, I imagine the solution should be within myself. I'm disappointed it isn't.

Edit add: I mean, nothing seems to be enough to make me respect me, love me. Even if the whole world would kneel in front of me, it wouldn't be enough, because I can't get it from myself. Does that make any sense?

money means dick, dude. anyone can throw money at an issue, it's pretty meaningless. what you've described is not what i was referring to at all.

It is something that comes from within you. It can be hard to find. Its not really something that is measured by money or how many friends you have. Its about knowing your true worth.
Its also difficult to find the balance between knowing your true worth and becoming conceited.
Although it is a rather external thing, sometimes its a good idea to see yourself through they eyes of someone else. We are very good at being hard on ourselves, but what is it that Markus sees in you that makes him love you so much. What is it that draws your friends to you? When i went through my lowest points, I started a list of compliments I received. People would comment on my kindness and compassion and patience and stripped away from the taint that i viewed myself with, i was able to discover the person I was, and that person is well worth loving. I have days where i get angry with myself, or disappoint myself or all hung up with how imperfect I look, but i guess that happens with any relationship. Ultimately, I love me.
I hope that you can ultimately come to love you.

Thanks Fruity. Those are some excellent tips. I have figured if someone as amazing as Markus loves me, there must be some good in me after all (even heeheehee said I "seem to have struck gold"). But still, loving myself seems mission impossible.

I'm also concerned about becoming conceited. How to love myself, without becoming that? I figured, that no one who truly loves themselves for who they are, shouldn't be conceited - only people who love what they wanna be and pretend they are that are conceited.

That sexual abuse could be a big problem honeyyy

Have you ever thought about counseling? It's hard to find a really good counselor that truly cares about you, but when you do, it is a match made in heaven!

It seems like there are a lot of subconscious issues you need to face.. I hope things get better for you

<3

Thanks. I do have a therapist, I'm 22 and I've been going to therapy regularly since I was 16, but started the thing when I was 12. The thing is, it's a slooooow process. So I was wondering, if anyone else here has had these problems and has overcome them? And if so, how did they do that?

People overcome it all the time. I wasn't sexually abused as a child, so i can't pretend to relate to that, but i was sexually assaulted as an older person, and it impacted hugely on my life after that. I imagine its even worse if it happens when you are a child. But you have to remember that it doesn't change your value. You are still worth so much. Don't let that stop you from valuing yourself as a person

Thank you, Fruity. Your words mean much to me

One of the reasons I posted this now, even though it's an everlong problem, was that today, my therapist started her summer vacation. So before August I won't have her to turn to. She did say "NOW you're on the right track" when I told her about my realisation, so it made me feel a lil better

Today's been a good day. I've done hell of a lot of cleaning. Therapy was good. And I had an operation today to enlarge my food tube which is still severed, so that problem is now dealt with for the time being.

I think Fruity you can relate a lot about the sexual abuse thing. Sexual abuse, sexual assault - they're same kind of traumas we experienced. And even though I was a kid and it was an unusual type of sexual abuse - nothing direct, my cousin blackmailed me into playing sexual games with her - I still think the effects should be the same, it just took me a longer time to realise what it really was.

Don't lose hope!

Just be with your friends and spend time with them. Try to loosen up and just really have a great time.

I'd just like to know who Markus is. :-)

Thank you.
Markus is my fiancé.

Remember that love is not a feeling, it is a choice! Make the choice to love yourself and the feeling will come. After all, who deserves it more?