Thread: dad sucks.

I wouldn't blame you if you said you didn't love him based on the way he treats you. That's horrible that he says stuff like that to you.

Wow... Penny-lane, you and I do have a bit in common with fathers. I got things like "I'd hate to have a friend like you" (I was a teenager complaining about one of my friends) and "It must be great to know everything" (I was commenting on a cooking show faux pas on TV) - all said highly sarcastically.

I used to make excuses for him. I tried to understand why he was the way he was. Oh, I came to understand him. But I still feel like he doesn't understand me. When we talk now it's about nothing stuff. Or he uses me to vent about the shit going on in his life that he doesn't like. Basically, what it came down to... well, he had the emotional maturity of a turnip. No insult meant to the innocent turnip.

Two things helped. He had a highly humbling experience a few years ago and I moved out of state.

Just realize that what he says is a reflection on him - not you. It took me ages to figure that one out. He has his own demons and he is taking them out on you. Not fair, not nice, not cool - but it is reality.

It's nice to have a father's love - and know that you have it. But if you can't have that reassurance then you have to pick up the slack for yourself. Heh, kinda be your own father figure if you will. Think about what you need from your father and then start giving it to yourself. I know it sounds really crazy, but it works.

Give yourself positive feedback, treat yourself when you do well, give yourself a pep talk when you screw up, be honest with yourself when you make mistakes. Your needs are the most important when it comes to stuff like that.

Tia, one of my lines when I was growing up, simply because I couldn't take the guilt was saying I loved my father but I sure as hell didn't like him as a person.