Thread: An Open Letter To Teens

An Open Letter to Teens
It is very easy as an adult to ignore and make less of the struggles and difficulties of the young. However, that attitude does nothing for the teenager trying to cope with growing up. Instead I would like to offer some practical suggestions and insight through some of my own memories and struggles from my own teenage years.

When I sat down to write this the very first thing that popped into my head was insecurity. Insecurity. It was around every corner, rearing its ugly head coming to torment me on anything and everything. The problem with fear and insecurity is that they are both specific and general in nature. What I mean is that though we fear a specific thing, the insecurities can affect every part of our beings. For example, you have a crush on someone but are afraid and don't know what to do. This can make you go crazy worrying about how you look, screw up your judgement so you do things you normally wouldn't and so on and so on. Instead of trying to tackle insecurity as a whole I am going to tackle the individual issues. After all, that is what it's really about.

Body Image/Appearance
I don't have to tell you the number of hours I worried about this one as you are living it right now. It is insane the pressures put on a person to look good. Some by the media, some by peers, and some by ourselves. Everyone gets the chance to make you feel crappy about how you look. Well I'd like to offer some reassurance. Individual physical quirks are part of nature. Every person has something about themselves they don't like and most people have more than one thing they would like to change about their appearance. Whether it be a big nose, fat thighs, bad skin, overweight, underweight or any number of real or perceived "flaws". Unless you can realistically do something about it then you need to accept it. Like I said, you are no different than anybody else. There is no such thing as the perfect ideal, so it is best to work with what you do have. Focus on your good traits - trust me, you have more than one - and accentuate those. But remember appearance is not everything. Charm and sociability will take you much farther. Which leads me to my next topic...

Popularity, Peers, and Friends
Popularity is a funny thing. You can be very popular with one group of people and yet be completely disregarded or hated by another. When I was in high school, I was not popular with the people in my school. I was a quasi-nerd until I was 16, then I blossomed. The funny thing was that although I was ignored before my transformation, I wasn't really welcomed after it. Yet when I found a new group of friends outside of school I was quite popular. It's an interesting transition to say the least. Being that I have experienced both sides of the fence as a teenager I would like to speak to both sides of that fence.

If you are popular do not let your insecurities cause you to make fun of another person to bolster your own ego. I have seen more people hurt by this. And not just the people you tease. It will hurt you in the long run too. You cannot get rid of your insecurities by tearing someone else down. Another thing to watch out for is the "mob mentality". It is so easy to go along with the crowd and a lot of fun too. But there are times when it is appropriate and important to take a stand. If your popularity is based on being a good person and being a good friend then you will come through just fine. And possibly even more respected by your peers.

If you are unpopular there are things that you can try. I wish I had not let my insecurities interfere with my instincts so much of the time. I am sure that the people I went to school with picked up on my fear. Although I had blossomed physically, I thought they still saw me as the quasi-nerd I had been. They picked up on that and in turn acted out of their own insecurities. How does this relate to you? Instead of worrying about being popular, try getting to know people and being a good friend instead. All people worth knowing react positively to sincere kindness. And if these people do not give you a good response after the second or third attempt then screw 'em. I don't mean to sound so blunt but if you show repeated attempts and they do not respond then they are not nice people and not worth being friends with. So you go out and get to know other people. Get involved in a volunteer program that other teens participate in. Join a youth ministry program. Go to where other teens hang out and meet new people. Before you know it you will have your own group of friends. And after all, take it from someone who knows, real friends are much more important than "popularity". So we've covered looks and friends, I guess it is time for...

The Crush, Love & Sex
My first crush. *sigh, smile*. What is it about your first crush? You always remember that person while the ones that follow fade into obscurity... okay, okay, I will quit waxing poetic. Crushes are a natural and important part of growing up. They will teach you how to begin to deal with these emotions that will be with you the rest of your life. Now, how does that help you deal with them? It probably won't. However, I do have some practical advice. If your crush is unattainable (a teacher or an actor/actress for example) just sit back and enjoy the rush. When your heart is feeling lonely reach out to an attractive member of the opposite sex and try getting to know them better. If that doesn't sound good to you, pull out pen and paper. Some of my best writing has come from a restless soul. However, if your crush is attainable then I suggest you swallow your shyness. (Warning: what I am about to say may sound sexist to some, but cut me some slack. I am, as they say, "old school".) If you are a guy, ignore your fear and go up and talk to her. If you're a girl, send him inviting signals to encourage him to approach you. Don't worry if you stumble around a bit trying to find your way. You can bet the other person has butterflies in their stomach too.

So you've met this perfect person and you are in love with each other. It is wonderful isn't it? Isn't it? The truth is yes and no. The rush of new love... the air smells fresher, the sun is somehow brighter, colors are more vivid and love songs take on a whole new meaning. It is nice, isn't it? However, life steps in and something goes wrong. The reality is that in can be very difficult getting to know another person and letting them get to know you. There is a vulnerability that wasn't there before. Something that didn't matter before becomes all too important in the face of your newfound feelings of love. There is only one way to resolve difficulties in a relationship: communication. If something is on your mind, bring it up. (However, do it in a way that you would like to be approached.) After all this person who is with you is there because they love you. That means they should be willing to try to work things out with you. One of the most destructive things for a relationship is to ignore your feelings. Talk about it and try to work it out. Many times it turns out that what you thought was a huge issue is easily resolved when you talk about it.

Now I am not going to get specific about sex itself, but there are some important things that need to be said. The absolute biggest piece of advice, based on my own experiences, is that before you decide to lose your virginity you should meet the following requirements:

1. Be in love. There is a world of difference.
2. Educate yourself about sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Thoroughly.
3. Make sure you are absolutely ready. It is something that can never be re-done. You will remember your first time for the rest of your life. Make it worth remembering.
4. DO NOT DO IT UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL AND DRUGS.

Other than the above, I would like to offer a few important thoughts about sex. Sex is a wonderful thing, but only if it is used positively. I mean that if it is done with care and consideration, there is no greater physical communion between two people. I would also like to say that just as in relationship, communication is very important to the sex life. Talk to each other, find out what each of you likes. It may be a little embarrassing at first, but it will bring you closer as people.

I hope I have given you teenagers something practical and that I have not sounded condescending. I wish I had somebody sit me down when I was your age and tell me these things. Oh, if only I could travel back in time... Well if any of you find merit in this and can successfully use any of what I have written here then I have completed my mission as I set out to do.

Thank you Ruby.
Honest to god, that was one of the nicest thing someone has ever done for a teeneager. To actually sit down and admit that yea, you have been there, makes us realze that we are NOT alone and that S-B is doing what it should be. Helping teens.
Now i know we get some people on here who just want to make light of a situation, or make someone feel bad about their insecurities, but on
S-B, there are actually some people out there who care enough to say, yea we are here to listen.
I figure when i dont have somethin nice to say, then usually i will refrain from saying it. I know, that sounds like a cliche, but it makes me feel better about not putting someone down, just cuz i am having a BAD day.

Thank you Ruby, for displaying what S-B is here for, and what we should all be trying to achieve.